Many Doane University students are in committed relationships; whether married, engaged or in a devoted relationship that will soon become engaged. Balancing college, while balancing a partner, can have its benefits and difficulties.
Junior Brielle DeBusk, a biology major, met her husband, Lance English, her freshmen year in 2014. She said she had a crush on him, but was shy to talk to him. He found out about her crush and in front of the whole cafeteria shouted, “Hi Brielle!” Little did she know that the guy who embarrassed her in front of all of those people would eventually marry her.
English, also a biology major, graduated from Doane in 2016. DeBusk said what she liked about him was his strong faith. She said he brought out her outgoing side and pushed her to meet new people. He proposed in April of her sophomore year in the Lied Science and Math building on the balcony. She said it was the perfect spot because they are both “science people” and had spent a good amount of time together in that building. They got married in the fall of 2016.
A problem with wedding planning was that she was also in school, DeBusk said. It was hard to balance the two, but the wedding ended up being what she described as “perfect.”
While the wedding was perfect, being married while in college comes with some difficulties, DeBusk said. She said it is hard to find time to spend with her friends now that she lives in Lincoln with English.
“I think it's been hard for my friends to adjust to it,” she said, “that my husband is my number one priority.”
Her friends, however, have been extremely supportive, she said.
DeBusk said she never would have guessed that she would have gotten married as young as she did at the age of twenty-one, but she wouldn’t trade it. At the end of the day, she said she has someone who will always be there for her.
Engaged senior biology major Deidra DeBoer feels the same way. She is engaged to Marine Clayton Alexander. Alexander is currently stationed in California. She met him in high school, through mutual friends and he eventually got her a job at the place he was working.
“When we hung out and at work, we kind of clicked,” she said, “It was like I had known him forever and he naturally became my best friend.”
Balancing a military relationship and college has its challenges, DeBoer said. When she has homework for class to do, she has to force herself to not talk on the phone or Facetime with Alexander all night. She said that any stress she faces in college is more difficult because her support system is thousands of miles away.
DeBoer is finished with school in December and will be marrying Alexander in February, which will be the five year anniversary of them starting to date. Even though they have been dating and talking about marriage since high school, she said she wanted to get an education before marriage. Alexander proposed last Christmas Eve. DeBoer started and almost completely finished the wedding planning last summer so that she wouldn’t have to mess with it when classes started. She said she ended up being grateful for doing this because planning and school would have been hard to balance.
College and marriage is not for everyone, according to DeBoer. She said the advice that she would give to people in relationships is to not let a relationship interfere with any goals a person may want to achieve. She also said for partners to always communicate to see what is the right move for them as a couple.
Junior Kelsey Hunter said that most people should not get married in college. Hunter, who is single, said it is important to focus on yourself and grow as an individual before committing to someone. She said she would never get married young because she is so independent. She also said that she wants to focus on her career and travel first.
“I think being single in college is much easier,” she said, “It's easier to interact with people and have various relationships with different kinds of people without feeling guilty.”
She said while she “gives props” to anyone who is ready to marry that young, she thinks it’s important for people to find their own strengths and weaknesses by themselves.
Erin Keetle, who is engaged to Derek Shuck, said that she doesn’t think she missed out on anything by being in a relationship all four years of college. Keetle, who is a senior, along with her fiance, said that being in a relationship makes her a better person and makes her more accountable for her actions.
“When you are single you are more likely to go out and maybe not make the best decisions,” she said, “Knowing the decisions you make are going to reflect on the person you are in a relationship with makes you at least double think your behaviors.”
Shuck said being in a relationship with Keetle brings out the best in him. He said he never strived to accomplish as much as he has and hopes to until he met her.
One reason their relationship works while also balancing college, Shuck said, was because even though college is busy, they realize that it is also temporary and they will have the rest of their lives to be together. In realizing this, Shuck said that giving up some time together now is worth it.
Keetle said because college is so stressful it is nice to always have that support system.
“He makes me a better person,” she said. “I get really stressed out and really uptight, and he has always been someone who can relax me and I feel at home when I'm with him.”
Juniors Morgan Meyer and Zach Zahnow have a similar relationship to Keetle and Shuck. Meyer and Zahnow met their freshman year and have been together ever since. While they are not engaged yet, Zahnow said that they plan on getting married eventually.
It wasn’t love at first sight according to Meyer, because they both found each other “annoying.” But during bingo night of freshmen orientation, they really clicked, she said. Both were sleep deprived and hyper, which led to a lot of laughter and messing with each others bingo board. After that, they kept hanging out and started dating right away.
Zahnow said that for the first six months he tried to impress Meyer with fancy dates. After he couple got more comfortable with each other, he said, they learned to go on what they call “sweatpant dates.”
In their sweatpants, the couple will go to a cheap movie or just look at the stars. Meyer said that while they are not doing big dates as much anymore, they are getting more out of their time together. They said being in a relationship in college is expensive and they want to save money.
Meyer and Zahnow both said they still annoy each other from time to time, but Zahnow gave a self proclaimed “quote of the century” about relationships.
“I'll always love you, but I might not always like you.”
