Do you want to make a difference? Do you want to make the world a better place? You can start with who you date. Is he or she good enough to spend the rest of your life with? Do you find yourself wanting to be a better person when you're with him or because of her? Does he inspire you? Encourage you? Respect you? Do you respect him? Even casual dating deserves the best fit, respect, and caring. Otherwise, why bother? Join a bowling league. Train for a marathon. Write a book. All good and worthy ways to spend your time.
Once you find your place in the world – at work, in your community – dating functions as a preview to a long-term commitment that may end in marriage and kids. Should you choose not to have kids, talking about it with your honey is an honest way to discuss your future together. If neither of you wants a future together, you can go your separate ways with no ill will. If only one of you wants kids, being honest frees you up for a better match.
Your Time is Important
The person with whom you spend your free time, and share your space, emotions, and energy matters. It matters to your future self because you can't get that time back and you are developing a pattern of behavior in a relationship to which you become accustomed. Make it a good pattern.
Who you date matters to your future self and your children because one day you may marry him and this person will become their parent. Will he be a good parent? What does he do when the shit hits the fan? Marriages are tested at such times. Is this the person you want on your side? Will he stick?
Your Good Choices Have Widespread Effects
I write because I want you to be happy and find the best person for you. When you are happy, you'll make better choices and your kids and your community benefit. When that happens, we become a stronger country.
So you see, I'm really writing to you for selfish reasons. But I still want you to be happy.
Everyone deserves Happy.
Kids Benefit From Good Decisions
- You are inspired to be the best person you can be
- Your significant other does the same (this is how you know you are right for each other)
- You both bring this good energy to your job which increases your chances for a promotion, job retention, and a raise, or a better job
- Better work increases stability and overall happiness
- Economic stability and overall happiness is a terrific environment to raise children in
- Happier parents are more likely to remain married and provide good examples of what to look for in a partner for their kids. This step is the most important factor in your child's overall life success.
The longer you can stay married, work through issues, and create that rich foundation of love, caring, support, and inner strength for your child, the bigger positive difference you are making on the world. Each person exists in a network of classmates, co-workers, clients, and strangers. Like Typhoid Mary, you and yours can spread happiness, growth, and understanding; or you can strew anger, hate, and rage everywhere you go.
Your Community Benefits When You are Happy
- When you feel good about yourself you make better choices because you know they matter, and you matter.
- When you make better choices your family benefits from eating healthier, watching less TV, playing outside more, setting family goals.
- When you hug your kids and tell them you love them every day and how lucky they are that you picked them a good mom or dad, they are significantly less likely to commit a crime, do poorly in school, have sex before they're ready, get pregnant, or get into fights.
By avoiding these things, you and your kid contribute to a better society. How? Kids who avoid those things do these things: read, make friends, smile, play sports.
Energy and intention are invisible but strongly felt. If you want to make a difference, begin with yourself and live a good life.
The wonderful thing about free will is we choose. We choose how others affect us and we choose how we will try to affect others.
What will you choose for yourself and your children? Don't settle. You and your kids deserve the best.