Newsflash: distance doesn’t have to ruin your relationship.
It’s hard to imagine when you’ve never had to spend more than a day or two without seeing your partner. If a few days of separation makes you miserable, it’s even worse to think about the weeks or possibly months, that you’ll have to spend apart. Distance isn’t the ultimate relationship killer, however, and no, successful long-distance relationships aren’t myths. Here is a handy go-to guide in having your relationship survive the dreadful time apart:
First, you should really consider the relationship you’re in: is it situational? In a situational relationship, your partner is only in your future because you haven’t experienced an environment away from them. A lot of high-school romances, unfortunately, are situational. Since you have them in classes every day, or you drive them to school in the mornings, or you spend every lunch together, it’s hard not to imagine them with you. The reason so many relationships end once college begins is that suddenly, you realize that you loved them because they were there. It wasn’t because they shared the same future goals as you, or because you would genuinely do anything for them, but because you were in each other’s circles all the time. It was a convenient relationship that made you happy while you were in high school, but now you’ve seen a bigger world, and suddenly their presence isn’t necessary. If you can sit down now, and consider the grounds in which your relationship was formed, congrats. Most people can’t, and won’t realize that they’re only dating someone because their options in their setting are limited. If you fear your relationship may be situational, then it may be time to have a talk with your partner.
If not, the first step in a long-distance relationship (and any relationship, really) is constant communication. I’m not advising you to phone your partner at every given free moment. You should, however, text them throughout the day, and throughout the weeks you’re apart. Schedule time for phone calls and FaceTimes that fit with both of your plans. Set time aside to just talk to your partner. Even if you just send them a few memes throughout the day that remind you of them, or if you call every night to say goodnight before you sleep- it’s important to reach out on a daily or regular basis. If you only send them your SnapChat streaks and call once a week, that’s not going to cut it. The communication, really, is half the battle. If you can find a steady schedule to keep yourselves connected, you’re doing a great job already.
Next, you should work on scheduling times to see each other. This one could be tricky, especially if the distance is a 6+ hour drive. Develop a balance so the two of you both make the effort for visitation. Plan dates that work within your schedules and actually commit to them. If neither of you can travel to see each other until winter break, that’s a-okay: as long as you both agree to that plan. Do not force your partner to drive to see you all the time, but refuse to take the bus to go visit them, too.
Sidenote: surprise visits can actually not be so great and romantic as you think, especially if one or both of you have roommates. Your partner will need to give their roommate the heads-up before you spend a few nights, so you do actually need to plan the visits accordingly.
Send each other things. Sincerely, sending little care packages or handwritten letters or little presents just for fun can add the romantic quality to your relationship that’s usually completed by dates. This one you don’t have to plan out; it’s actually cuter sometimes to send your partner a gift in the mail and have them be surprised by it. Of course, you don’t have to send them things all the time (since, you know, postage costs money) but being thoughtful every now and then is a cute way to show your partner you still care, especially if you can’t see them too often. And obviously, don’t forget each other’s birthdays or Valentine’s Day, if you won’t be together in person!
Don't give up. There’s a big difference in saying “This isn’t making me happy anymore” and “If we never see each other, what’s the point?” If you fall into the first realization, it’s possible that the relationship just isn’t working out. But if you believe in the second, you may not be able to have a long-distance relationship; most of your relationships are probably situational. That’s okay! Fortunately for you, you’ll always be able to find romance, wherever you go.
If you want to keep a long-distance relationship, because it makes you really happy, but the thought of not seeing your person makes you hopeless- keep going! Keep a physical calendar and mark down the days until you’re reunited. A few weeks apart is nothing in comparison to the months you’ll have together over the summer, and the years you’ll have together if you plan on staying together after college. The time will move much quicker than you think, I promise.
There are ways to make it work, especially if you’re willing to put in the effort. Again, all relationships require work to make them last, so as long as you understand that it’s not going to be like the movies, and it will require a give-and-take, your relationship can survive anything- even distance.
