There are many things that we can all inherently do well. Unfortunately, for me and some of you, making friends is not one of them. Do I have friends? Yes. But do I make new ones very easily? Not at all.

Moving four hours away from home for college was super tough and made me realize how "socially slow" I really am. Why do I always seem to end up alone? I have met some great people who have helped me along the way, but I still feel like I am very far behind socially.

And for people who don't understand our plight, they need to stop saying these remarks just because they might be "socially fast:"

1. "You'd be more attractive if you were less insecure."

The term "attractive" is very subjective and means different things to different people. Of course, everybody wants to attain this attractive "ideal" (I'll admit I do), but how can you possibly be encouraging us if you're telling us that how we are is unattractive? And also, you can't actually see our self-esteem "level" and sometimes we don't always know exactly how insecure somebody is.

2. "Making friends is easy, just go start a conversation."

Part of our struggle is that we try to make friends and talk to people (we really do!!!) but our conversations seem to fail, worsening our fear of rejection and of striking up more conversations. It can be crushing when we glean the courage to strike up a conversation only to get shut down. And it happens often. If you usually start up conversations that lead to successful friendships, you are lucky.

3. "You look so uncomfortable."

I hate this comment and I get it a lot--particularly at social events and particularly from strangers. I don't think they understand the irony here. Telling us that we look so uncomfortable is actually (surprise) going to make us even more uncomfortable and nervous and anxious. I wonder if they ever thought of that.

4. "You're so stiff. Loosen up!"

Once again, this is a comment I receive often from so many people but if you don't understand the irony of it, refer to #3. We aren't getting any less stiff by having people tell us we are stiff.

5. "Just put yourself out there!"

"Put yourself out there" sounds like an easy solution, but in reality, it can be super difficult and super vague. We sometimes believe we are putting ourselves out there, trying to meet people, trying to get involved. People who aren't "socially slow" tend to feel that people who can't make friends must be recluses, but that's far from the truth. We may not want to involve ourselves in every possible social situation offered to us, but that doesn't mean we aren't trying.

6. "I guess I'll talk to you because nobody else is."

Sometimes I think that people fail to realize how degrading this remark is. If you say this, you're basically telling us that you're only talking us because you feel bad for us, not because you're interested in us, our interests, our opinions, our personalities. Often, if we're socially anxious, we sometimes get caught in situations where nobody engages us in conversation. However, that means that as long as you draw us in (without this nasty remark), we are happy to talk to you.

7. "Maybe you're just clingy."

Part of why we are so nervous in social settings is because we are fearful of burdening somebody else. We really try to find people who care about us and it is easy to hold onto people who seem kind, caring, and willing to help us. However, once this c-word is thrown around, we immediately want to close ourselves off to people who potentially do care about us. A friend is supposed to lean on a friend, right?

8. "You can just find other friends."

If only I could make friends like I could find a fitted pair of jeans. I could just keep replacing the pairs I know don't fit until I find a pair that I instantaneously know does. However, "socially slow" people make friends super gradually and it takes time to determine whether a friend is the right fit or the wrong fit. Therefore, we can't just keep leaving people behind or finding new people because, first of all, the prospect of making friends is stressful and, second of all, we don't want to miss an opportunity with somebody else.

9. "Are you depressed?"

In a society that places an unfortunately high emphasis on popularity, so many people think that if you're "socially slow," you're depressed. However, I hate getting asked this question because the number of friends I have is not necessarily an indicator of mental illness or the lack thereof. This comment is not only an insult to us but also an insult to those who do suffer from depression, stereotyping them as friendless.

10. "You're so awkward!"

I didn't invite Captain Obvious into the room. In fact, I hate this comment most of all because we all are weird and awkward in different respects. Unfortunately, some of us take longer to find people who appreciate our awkwardness, but in order to find them, we need to embrace all of our quirks ourselves. If I have learned anything in the (long) time I spend trying to find friends, I have learned that I need to take it upon myself to embrace who I am.

And as the proverb goes, "All good things take some time," we should all have full faith that the friendships we foster in this time period will be quality. My friendships all developed very slowly but none have broken. We have plenty of time to find our people or discover that they might be right in front of us. It's worth the wait.