“We make ourselves a place apart / Behind light words that tease and flout, / But oh, the agitated heart / ‘Till someone find us really out.” – Robert Frost
Our world is a shallow one. Society elevates the individual, but not in a constructive and healthy fashion. Rather than emphasizing integrity and intelligence, we place emphasis on youth, beauty and material success. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, the author of "Fight Club," “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.”
Humans have innate depth — it’s the way we were created. Think back to certain times in your life, certain occasions which have left you stripped of facework and acting and where it’s just you, fully you. No social media drama, no trying to impress people, no concern for what other people think, just you—fully and existentially you. Maybe you’re with another person. Maybe you’re in someone’s backyard and it’s late at night and your faces are dimly lit by some crappy porch light and sleep deprivation has you feeling vulnerable, so you decide to talk. In those beautiful moments, we have conversations I have always lovingly referred to as “deep talks.” There’s that word again: depth. In those moments, we are most healthy, most us. Why can’t we be like that all the time? How come the day has us feeling like a fully different person? As I said, our world is shallow. We elevate the individual as a concept but not as a person. If you wish to maintain that depth, you’re not alone.
I have no qualifications to be giving advice on maintaining depth since I myself am guilty of the same things, but I can only speak as one desperately trying to hang on to every shred of depth and intelligence I was created with. So here are my tips to maintain depth:
1. Get outside, listen to some music, and think.
Every day I go to my special place and walk. For me, it’s a little stretch of forest with a creek running through it at my school. I put my phone on do-not-disturb mode, listen to some folk music (something about acoustic guitar gets me all sentimental and soppy) and walk. This helps me work out all the complications of the day, figure out some of the emotions I have going on, fully relax and enjoy nature.
2. Meditate.
This doesn’t mean striking up incense, sitting in a dimly lit temple and thinking about nothing in front of a large Buddha statue or something. Meditation looks differently from person to person. For me, it’s prayer. For others, it can be sitting down and reflecting. It can be anything—just take some time to be alone and think.
3. Surround yourself with people capable of depth.
While everyone is capable of depth, not everyone chooses to be so. There are people we all know who have trouble taking anything seriously. We choose not to reveal ourselves to these people because we fear they won’t understand or will reject us, and that’s okay, so long as we have other people we know will listen to us and in turn be vulnerable themselves.
Depth is all about embracing your brokenness and sharing that with other people. Too long have we made ourselves a place apart so we can fit into a society who would otherwise not accept us. Take back your depth. I know these three things take time, and we may be busy, but we cannot afford to let it beat us.
