I've always belonged in nature. As as little girl, the woods behind my house were my safe haven. Coming home to a mess of a house and a stressed-out mom and stepdad after school, my brother and I made our way through the backyard into our "clubhouse".
We did a lot of stuff back there. We weren't lucky enough to have any type of actual clubhouse, but our imaginations did us well. Sweeping and stamping out the floor and using tree branches and twigs to make a shelter of sorts.
I've always been intrigued by natural wonders and treasures like neat rocks and dead bugs. I'd pick the pretties flowers and make daisy chains to decorate our outdoor sanctuary. The fairies certainly enjoyed that part.
That's something I've never mentioned to my younger brother, were the fairies. Although our mom had always loved the concept of tiny winged people and had quite a figurine collection, she never went as far to say they were anything more than story characters. Little does she or anyone know, fairies were always there when I was younger. They'd flutter around behind a butterfly, or dance along the wind – I was always fascinated. I kept them a secret, though, because I felt as if they wanted only me to see. Now that I think about it, that's a perfect example of intuition in children, that's a topic for another day, though.
I left out sweets and pretty findings for my fairy friends and they would thank me with their company. Very funny and mischievous creatures they are, too, always tipping drinks and hiding keys. They matched my unusual sense of humor perfectly.
We moved to a new house with no woods, but a large backyard, where the fairies lingered. For some reason, they never came into my new house. I missed them. I was in fifth grade at the time of the move and I spent all of the time I could outside making homes for insects from twigs and leaves, digging wild onions and lying in the grass looking at shapes in the clouds. I, too, preferred being outside rather than in the house. It was more than enjoying nature, the place itself had a menacing energy. A lovely interior with a library including built-in bookshelves, a billiards room and a gorgeous staircase, was all basked in a dark aura that, like the fairies, it seemed only I could sense. That was the age I had my first experience with a non-nature spirit that I can recall.
My room was upstairs, and one night I woke with the dryest throat. I groggily made my way through the wide walkway leading to the stairs, my toes cold on the wood floor. The staircase went down to a landing and had a 90-degree turn. Not until I made it to the platform did I look up, through the billiard room to the door of the kitchen to see a woman I did not know. She was gray, as if clipped from a movie with no color. Her 50s-style dress draped past her feet and would have hit the floor had she not appeared to be hovering. Hair scraped into a tight bun seemed to extenuate the beak-like nose she had. It wasn't until she turned and looked at me with her cold lifeless eyes that I could break out of my sleepy trance into a bolt up the stairs into my room and under the covers. I made no point to tell my mom, because though she was open to the paranormal, she had the tendency to assume exaggeration with most things.
Not even a year later mother decides to purchase a Ouija board and a set of twin "haunted" dolls off eBay. I hated the dolls. They terrified me, and I had a doll collection. The energy they emitted was frightening to the point my mom had to keep them in her closet so I wouldn't see them if I went to her room.
On a summer night, my brother and I were home with the babysitter and we decided to watch a movie. The movies were in mom's closet and I went to get one, I planned on not even looking at the dolls, just movies. When I opened the closet door I see both dolls laying on the floor out of their normally high shelved chairs. At first glance, I saw that one of the dolls had been decapitated and fluff/stuffing littered the surrounding area. My heart dropped to my stomach and I ran down as fast as I could and hysterically told our sitter what happened. She went up to investigate and came back with both dolls-completely intact- and held them up saying, "You mean these dolls?" After that incident, my mom put the dolls in the trunk of her car, which was followed by excessive car troubles.
Upon moving and growing older, my vision of the fairies faded, but their presence was still known. Not only was I aware of them, but I found I wasn't the only one. Others knew of the fair folk and I was able to learn more of my own experiences. I have always trusted what I saw to be true, but for others to express similar exposure is a nice reassurance.
Spirits and ghosts, on the other hand, are something that had a growing effect on me. I started sensing them at places other than that house, hearing and seeing things that others couldn't. Knowing someone else is with you when there is nobody physically there, It's an intense sensation. It became very overwhelming along with some personal issues and a new found depression, i felt i was going completely crazy. I even had a period of time where, when the night time came, i would start seeing people hanging from nooses in the trees, I'd see unearthly hands grasping from the shadows at me. I was having trouble distinguishing what was reality. Doctors called it "stress-induced hallucinations". I was plagued with vivid nightmares and sleep paralysis every single night.
This didn't come to a halt until I was put on a number of medications and the nightmares were persistent until my mother resorted to a magical banishing incense. In my opinion, all of that was a temporary block, and my subconscious just shut that entire part of my being off for a while. I was no longer overwhelmed and erratic, but I felt impartial to everything. Nothing mattered, I couldn't feel much anymore.
Being close to animals, plants and nature in general, playing with fairies and sensing other entities and spirits are just a few examples of things that have been with me since adolescence. I've always felt as if everything had its own type of life, the trees and rocks and soil. Each essence of earth is a small piece of the energy that is everything. The compassion I have for this world is indescribable. So see her harmed, hurts me.
These are all things that I have also recently found myself yearning for more practice in these roles. Yes, they are natural abilities- but instead of feeling completely crazy seeing, feeling and hearing things that others do not – I can use this to my advantage.
This is what brings me to the point of this extra long ramble. What led up to the decision to become a witch. A point I'd like to make is that, even though I came to a point where I now label myself as a witch, it's always been who I am. Even before I knew it.
"What is a witch?" you might ask. It can mean a variety of things, but to me being a witch is much more than casting spells.
I am a woman of the earth, I inherit and bear all of the essences from birth, to transformation to healing and rebirth. The answers we seek lie within the patterns of nature, and to be aligned with her seasons and phases will bring much wisdom. The symbolism around us fuels the entirety of who I am. As I'm one with nature and the woods, the elements all mean a great deal to me. Earth, water, fire, air, and the spirit. I especially feel powerful when it's storming. I sometimes wonder if it was my own passion and energy concocting the downpour. I find comfort in these thoughts.
My soul must have had many lives before this, because I feel less like I'm learning and more like I'm remembering. My empathy is endearing and drawing, I find people opening up to me and showing their darkest parts to me. I've always been one to cry easily. I would find myself as a child crying without a reason, feeling sad or hurt without cause. This followed into my teenage years, where I learned I was hyper sensitive to peoples' energy and emotions. I am an empath, and I feel as if it's my duty to positively affect every life I come in contact with, I want to leave people with hope in their hearts, and love in their souls. I want to offer healing services to others, and I feel that I am able to heal people with my pure energy at times.
Not only do I have compassion for people, but even more so I do for animals. I cry for the treatment of some animals here, and I would give my life to an animal. I regularly take insight from visits and encounters with animals. Animals also seem to be drawn to me, even animals who aren't partial to humans in general, almost always like me. I speak to these animals. They are my closest friends.
To me, being a witch is just incorporating all that is me, to my own personal gain and benefit, as well as helping anyone along my path. I've always felt like I'm looking in on the world from the outside, with a perspective as though I weren't included in society. Like i knew something they don't. I'm here to make the change. Being a witch is being unafraid to unlock your full potential with your rawest form of expression.
But in order to be a witch, you have to believe in magic. It's something I've never doubted in my mind. Despite being told "there's no such thing" "that's just fairy tales," I always saved some room in my heart for my own magic. I've always believed in signs and symbols. I don't think everything happens for a reason, but I do think everything has meaning. Whether it's a raven sighting after keeping an emotional secret, or finding a shape in the clouds that means something to you. This is a form of divination I've participated in long before I became a witch and got tarot cards and a crystal ball. I've had dreams and experiences depicted the past and future, and my intuition has always been strong to the point I questioned if I was a physic. It's almost as if someone just inputs information into my mind, I know things without ever learning them.
A lot of this is still new to me, and this is only the beginning to my spiritual path as an empath and eclectic witch, but I'll be sure to document all of my experiences along the way so I can track my own growth.
I'd like to thank anyone who took the time to read this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
