A man's self-esteem is one of the more delicate subjects for an author with a collegiate demographic to write about, so naturally, in the process of brainstorming for potential topics, I couldn't get it out of my head. This week, in the first installment of a series focused on maturity and manliness (concepts which I'll be the first to admit that I'm still learning to grasp), I'd like to reflect on self-esteem. Specifically, I'll be targeting a failure in today's society: how men react when others make us feel bad about ourselves.

We've all been there. I'm not talking about when someone insults you, or gives you unfair judgement. I'm talking about those people who are infinitely better than us all. I'm talking about that friend who is rocking a 4.0 GPA and an active social life, all while being the most humble, down to earth person you know. Open any history book and you will undoubtedly stumble upon some legendary figure whose masculinity, physical prowess, and unassailable courage makes him seem inhuman, but we seem to dismiss those as role models of the past. It's the modern men who have no problem stacking up a list of accomplishments that cause us to question our own manliness. Take Ranulph Fiennes, for example: he served 8 years in the British Army, the last two of which he spent leading reconnaissance raids deep into enemy territory during the Dhofar Rebellion. Since the 1960's, he has been a world explorer and adventurer, shattering records along the way. He's the only man to travel around the globe (using surface transport only) on its polar axis, and the first man to travel across the Antarctic continent completely unsupported. At the age of 50, he ran seven marathons in seven days, on seven different continents. Did I mention he ran those marathons just four months after having a heart attack and undergoing a double bypass surgery? Yeah. Feeling manly about your academic-oriented life? Neither am I.

Here's the trick: we're victim to several things, one of which is cognitive dissonance. When men see something that they don't have, they experience mental anxiety, and face a simple choice: either take steps toward that ideal, or demean its value and look the other way.  Go ahead and tell yourself that it's not worth the implied effort to run seven marathons in seven days, and the disappointment that you can't do so all but disappears.

A problem has presented itself in the past century: we as men are accepting. Now you may think to yourself "but Ben, acceptance is good!" and in making that claim, you are not wrong. That being said, we have seen acceptance replace honor as the highest virtue of man. Woe to him who belittles your masculinity, for by definition, you are a man too, right? Wrong. We've fallen victim of the idea that nobody should feel left out or bad about themselves. Therein lies the problem: we are in direct conflict with the universal code of manhood: the belief that being manly is not a right, but a privilege. Having to earn the status of man establishes some as "in," while leaving others "out." In the distant past, what happened to those who were left out? Apart from the few outliers who sulked and complained, those who were left out did everything they could to join the ranks of those referred to as "men." They bettered themselves, and took greater pride in their title.

Don't get me wrong, I am a firm advocate of the belief that all men are created equal, and endowed with certain and unalienable rights. Shoot, I'm a member of a fraternity that was founded upon that belief, with the goal of establishing equality and brotherhood among men of all races and backgrounds after a vicious Civil War. I know what that means. But the key word is that all men are created equal, and that my fraternity was founded to know man as man. We're not talking about the equal establishment of all males as men. We're not talking about the male gender as a whole at all. We're talking about a specific subset of being male, and that is manhood. 

The concept of admitting that we may be inadequate or not in good standing as men is absurd to today's society. To tell someone that he is not meeting the standards of manhood is just...mean. We've decided to redefine manhood so that it is all-inclusive, and are effectively shifting the ultimate goal of being males. As a matter of fact, I contest that we have all but destroyed what it means to take pride in climbing upwards towards the peak of ideals. We no longer feel ashamed for falling short.

I recently read a book called Wild at Heart, and in it I found an inescapable truth: men need something to fight for. It's in our nature. Whether we be the man who climbs mountains and ends wars, or the man who aspires to greatness in academia, we need a goal. We are programmed to be passionate about something, and we perform best when there is a goal in mind. I believe that this truth ties in beautifully with the ideal of masculinity. Viewed at its highest potential, masculinity is not attainable. There is no way for any of us to achieve every aspect of manhood, and we need to understand that we will fail. Additionally, there will always be others who hold a higher status of masculinity than us. As a child, I was told that "there will always be someone bigger and smarter." Masculinity is hierarchical. We must push to better ourselves, because while perfection is impossible, a better version of us exists, and we can reach that goal. 

Does this mean that we should all run off and join some crazy branch of the secret service, or spontaneously decide to spend our time backpacking through rugged wilderness? No, absolutely not. It means that we need to be uncompromising with the standards of manhood, and the ideal of honor. We live in the 21st century, and many ideals of manhood that were once commonplace seem antiquated. We need not live out the traditional sense of "earning our manhood," but should instead seek to live with the same virtue that our ancestors possessed. We need to look towards those who are better than us, who are more "manly" than us, and we need to use the pain of failure as a motivation to become stronger, smarter, or more courageous. Instead of covering up the pages of history and hiding my predecessors heroism with a new definition of "man," I will try to write my own story. I dare you to do the same.