I’ll never forget the chills that ran down my spine when I heard the news. My heart seemed to stop beating and it seemed as if my blood ran cold. “There was no way.” I kept telling myself. My mind was mentally screaming to wake up from the nightmare I was living. “Wake up.” it said. Only it was no dream, it was real, and I couldn’t process. My boyfriend held me, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The pain I felt in my heart. It was all so unreal. My world shattered, and walls crumbled. I’ve never experienced the death of a friend I considered close; honestly I’ve never experienced any death in my life at all. She was so young, so full of life. Her accent brought a smile to my face, and her personality was radiant. She was so beautiful, such a hard worker. She was lost to murder which makes the situation so much more painful. So much harder to understand. The man who was supposed to love her, and protect her, took her life away? I can’t understand, and I will never be able too. You just can’t understand crazy. He not only took away a friend, but a mother, a daughter, and a sister. Her death was so sudden, so unexpected. It was a tragedy, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. There’s so many emotions swimming around daily, there’s rage, confusion, and then there’s sadness. An empty sadness. An sadness that almost seems bitter.
I know that losing a friend is the worst pain. Every loss is devastating. It seems impossible to move on, and I question myself on how I will ever be able to heal. There will be good days, and then there will be bad days. What brings peace is that I know that she loved me as much as I loved her. I know she passed knowing how much her friends and family cared and loved her. I always tell myself that she would appreciate my feelings, but she wouldn’t want me crying everyday. It hurts to know that I will never be able to get that picture with her, to go out with her, or have girl’s nights. I wish I would’ve made the time to call her like I said I would, or that I could have talked more to her. Even though she was miles away, she was a better friend than people I was surrounded with in my hometown. I’m happy that I had the chance to know her, and to be her friend as long as I could. The tears won’t bring her back, so I focus on all the memories I fortunately had the chance to make with her. She’s an organ donor, and she will touch and save many lives. She has blessed numerous families, and she will live on through others.
During this hard time, I learned just exactly how precious life is. To not take anything, or anyone for granted, and just how extremely blessed I am with the people I have in my life. I want to live to the fullest everyday, because I won’t know what the next day may bring. Life is too short to waste, and I want to make the best memories I can with everyone I love. I know there will be a small part of me that will never fully heal, that will never accept that she’s really gone, but I know that the memories I made with her will live on with me, and I will carry them throughout my life.
“With brave wings she flies.” -unknown