One day, I hope you wake up and look back at your past. I hope you recognize how much of an atrocious, hateful and disgusting person you were.

We cannot be good to everyone, and there is nothing wrong with disliking those that have done you wrong. With that being said, I would also like to say that some people let their emotions control them quite heavily. As a result, they end up attacking others to deal with their own dark insecurities. They do not take responsibility for the people they have hurt. Instead, they find it easier to blame others for the mistakes they have made. This transforms their friends into enemies, with them being the cause of all the troubles being placed. This is, in itself, self-destructive.

I hope one day you find a way to deal with these types of problems and get the help you need to receive. So that way, you do not end up resorting to childish behavior and harming individuals whom you do not know.

You were always dispirited, hurt, and crying about your life. I was there to try and pick you up, and this is something I regret doing. I wish I had left you on the ground, trying to get back up yourself. However, you'd continuously fall on the same bruises that never seemed to fade away.

We were friends, not close friends, but we were friends. I knew you — you did not know me. Not because I was afraid of opening up to you, or because I had anything to hide... But because others had informed me about you. Nevertheless, let's make it clear, I am not the kind to listen to others and judge people based off what I hear. I was careful and discrete about my life, because you were notoriously known by everyone. You were known for being someone that took advantage of people's trust, weaknesses, and exploiting others information for your own benefits.

You trusted me, and never did I do anything to interrupt that. However, what I held so profoundly that was yours was your hatred and enviousness for others. I held your unhappiness and continuous crying about how dreadful your life was. I held your complaints about constant depression that never seemed to go away, and videos of you crying on my phone. I held your texts and insecurities that seemed to show up on the surface when you would communicate with me… And I held your secrets about people you would call friends one second, and the minute they turned their backs, they became your worst enemies. These were the things about yourself you were not afraid to reveal.

I broke down a lot on the inside. I did not like hearing hostile things about others. I did not like hearing your envy of people. You belittled the people you talked about, and it was wrong, but I was just someone that sat there listening to your troubles because I highly doubt you had anyone else that you could go to. You would spread rumors, and make peoples' lives a big impediment that they had to surmount. I did not like hearing from others that you turned someone's parents against them. I did not like how grotesque a certain individual was in your eyes, or what you were planning on doing to someone with your vindictive mind. However, I kept what others said about you and my opinions of you to myself, even though it was quite apparent that what my ears were hearing was the disgusting truth about the type of person you had always been… And the more I listened to you, the more I began to hate myself for putting myself in a position where nothing but negative energy surrounded me. You alienated me with your covetous behavior, and I, as a friend, felt as if it were my obligation to provide to your every desire.

But even though this was the type of person you had been all along, I tried to tell myself there must be an underlying reason for why you were who you were. You had hurt many people, and several times, I heard from you that you were trying to change. Maybe-- maybe that's what got me. Maybe a part of me wanted to love the person who you were trying to be. Maybe a part of me saw you as a weakened person who needed someone, and that's what kept me near you. Maybe I never walked away from you, because I never wanted to be a person that saw someone troubled and ignored them knowing that I could perchance assist them in some form of way.

So, I stayed. I stayed, and would lie to you about the type of person you were. I told you you were beautiful, perfect, and one of the sweetest people I knew. However, this was the exact opposite of what you actually were. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, if I lied enough, you would turn into the person you always wanted to be. However, the only person I ended up fooling was me... Because in the midst of all the lying, I convinced myself that you were a kind-hearted person and deserved everything in the world. However, even though I had myself convinced, it was still not enough lying for you, because you can not hide from who you truly are. No amount of lying will ever be adequate to disguise the truth that lies underneath the surface of that beautiful face of yours. You still felt the same way as you always felt about yourself — piteous, sad and not good enough.

Then, one day, you decided to show your true colors to me — the colors I tried to lie myself away from. You directed your abhorrence towards me. You tried to hurt me and others along with me. You tried to make us the center attention of your show, and all I could see among the crowd, was your reversion back to the rejected and detestable person you failed so pathetically to change. I know — I know deep down, maybe months from now, you will look back and question whether or not you're a good person. It'll eat you up inside, because you try so hard to be. It'll cause you to wake up in the middle of the night questioning whether or not God is proud of who you are. Then, in the midst of your own misery, you will remember all the ways you've hurt so many people in your life... And I pray to God it burns you and makes the blood inside your body boil.

Due to this incident, it all starting to fall together now, you know? You were spoiled. You were rich, wore expensive clothes, and jewelry. Your parents loved you and gave you anything you asked for. You drove a Mercedes Benz and always had cash in your wallet. I couldn't fathom how much I'd love to live my life one day in your shoes. However, you were still this sad, lonely person that just couldn't be content in life no matter what was handed down to you. Now, it's evident why things happen the way they do. It's evident why you are so unhappy, and why you live your life in such depression even though you basically have the whole world in the palm of your hands.

I was the type of person to make everyone feel as if they had some place on earth and deserved to be loved. I always wanted to be the person that lifted everyone's spirits up, and help make their lives better if I had the ability to... But you — you do not deserve to be loved. You do not deserve to be cared for or catered to. You don't deserve anyone's time. You do not deserve anything from anyone, because you, yourself, can't even find it in yourself to accept what's given to you due to your selfishness as a person. You see, no amount of empathy and no amount of remorse will make your life any better. No matter how much you try, it will never be quite enough. No matter how much good you do, and how much you give to your community… It will always mean nothing, because you-- you are a repugnant, and envious person looking for ways to make others drown along with your sad misery… And I hope that as a psychology major — before you ever take charge of someone's emotions and try to figure out what's wrong with them, or why they are the way they are-- you take the time to self-invest in yourself, and figure out what makes you the hateful, jealous girl that you are today. I also hope you work on that before you tell others what they have to work on, because that would be hypocritical. No one deserves help from those, who themselves, cannot be helped.

So, good luck on your life. I hope one day you can become the person you always struggled so hard to be.