"No one will ever love you unless you love yourself."
"You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."
"No one can love you until you love yourself, and you cannot love anyone else until you love yourself."
We've seen variations of this quote so many times that it's has become very cliche every time someone says it. When people think of self-love, this is the first quote that pops into their head. The intention behind the quote is very well-meaning, but what a lot of people don't realize is that it can make someone's self-image issues worse than they already are, rather than better.
We'll start with the obvious, there are many people out there that struggle with self-image issues that are rooted in mental-health issues such as depression and various eating disorders. These can be extremely difficult for people to overcome and can take people years to fully recover from mental health issues. I'm one of those people who still struggle with self-love and self-image issues that are rooted in depression every day and this quote is a lot more demeaning to me than it is empowering.
Saying that someone is not worthy of others loving them just because they don't love themselves can be very toxic and can make someone's self-esteem issues worse than they already are. When these people notice that there are people who really do love them, it can take a lot of weight off of their shoulders in the long run, and in many cases, can help them love themselves even more. Just one person showing love to someone else can do wonders to someone's self-esteem without either of them even realizing it, and when they do they become grateful for all the love that was given to them.
The other variation of the quote, saying that someone is unable to love anyone unless they love themselves, is also problematic because it makes those with those mental health issues seem like they are not empathetic, when in reality, people with several mental health issues are some of the most loving and empathetic people anyone will ever meet. In a way, I feel like my own struggles with self-image and mental health have made me more empathetic and loving towards others because I understand what it's like to struggle with this and I make people realize that they're not alone.
I always try to strive for self-love as much as I possibly can because self-love is an important thing to teach others and so many things can be accomplished with self-love. I also think that degrading others who struggle with self-love is not a healthy way to teach others about it because it can make their feelings seem less valid. So just remember, when someone tells you that no one will love you or you can't love others until you love yourself, tell them that just because you struggle with self-love doesn't mean that you're incapable of loving others or others are incapable of loving you.
