“I love you.”
All of a sudden, these three words are tied together by a rope as damaging as a noose, anchored by the weight of commitment and expectation. So many relationships, actions and decisions are dependent on these three words, these three syllables. We maneuver our way around that sequencing, dropping the “I” for informality or choosing insignificant phrases like “(you/she/he/them/they) rock.” But why?
These days, we follow trends, presented to us by celebrities, social media and our friends. While there are positive trends that include different lifestyle changes, social movements and popular clothing, there are also trends that are negative. The most notable for me is the inherent masking of emotions that has become so popular in our relationships. Growing up, I was lucky enough to be cared for in an environment where my thoughts and emotions were encouraged and nurtured by a supportive, loving family. I was never embarrassed to admit my pain or passion for any given thing or person up until entering my teen years, where all of a sudden any sign of emotion was “too much,” “excessive,” and “too soon.” So, like many, I learned to keep quiet about my feelings, not only romantic ones but feelings of disappointment and under appreciation. I kept quiet and was tentative about any approach of an emotional situation, troubled by responses that I was taught by the world around me to fear.
As I think back on all the people that have been in my life, I wish I could have expressed more. Emotions and feelings should not something you shelter out of fear or embarrassment; they should be embraced and spoken. These chemicals buzz in our bodies, shifting our moods and perceptions, and we think of them as insignificant but they mean something – they stir and create. And we can pretend they aren’t important, but we can’t deny biology. Our feelings towards ourselves and our feelings towards others are legitimate, and they shouldn’t be undermined by social expectations on the conduct of emoting.
In a world where it is so popular to hide how we feel and replace the truth of our hearts with dark humor and sarcasm, it is hard to embrace our raw emotions and lay them forward with honesty. “I love you” should be spoken more, without the burden it is bearing. “I love you” shows respect, concern, thoughtfulness, appreciation and so much more, but why can’t it also be used as an alternative to “you rock” without it being a tumultuous event, just because its honest?
We constantly ask children, “How does that make you feel?” and without the imposition of proper social behavior in their way, they answer honestly. They're the most honest ones out there. It is not my intention to diminish or dilute the meaning of the phrase, “I love you,” but it is my personal belief that those words should and can be spoken without this overt significance that makes it such an outlandish phrase to say aloud. I implore you to embrace and be honest about your own emotions in the same way. Admit your hurt, your anger, your frustration, your bliss and your love. Know that you’re allowed to say, “I love you” and mean it without the expectation of “I’m in love with you.” It holds its own weight and can be said happily, free of restraint.
