Dear non-theater major,
I know how you're feeling. And not the surface-level "I know how you're feeling" — like, the "deep down it feels like someone ripped out a piece of your heart and it freaking sucks" type feeling. The type of feeling where it feels like something was taken from you and you can't get it back.
Like you, theater was and is everything to me. In high school, I was in every production doing what I couldn't get enough of. Being on stage was like a euphoria and doing it with people who were like family made it that much better. At the time it was something I could have done forever.
But time moves on. Eventually, the days would run out and rather than performing on stage, I would be walking across one. As graduation crept closer and closer, I was forced to answer a question that today I still don't know the answer to: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
At the time, it wasn't a choice. I had talked it over with my family and the answer seemed obvious. I was at the top of my class, excelled in math and chemistry, and was 'destined for greatness' before I could even walk. So that was it. I was going to pharmacy school.
And without a doubt, it was the worst decision I had ever made.
Once I got to college I quickly realized that the opportunities to perform are extremely slim if you are not a performance major. And if you do get to perform, you have to work really hard to get it.
Audition after audition. Workshop after workshop. I tried my best to be involved with theater. In the end, the chance to perform is almost always given to those who are majoring in performance.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
I tried to befriend those in the program, went to improv sessions, joined the on-campus theater troupe. But none of it was enough. They were all in the shows and I was just...there. It felt like I was at an ice rink, watching everyone else skate while I watched through the glass.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Well why didn't you change your major then?"
Well, I did.
After a year I had had enough. I was suffering from depressive episodes, I wasn't making any friends, and everything just seemed kind of hopeless. It was time for a change.
But even then I didn't switch to theater. At the time, I blamed my unhappiness on my major and not the fact that I wasn't pursuing what I was passionate about. I thought that as long as I switched to anything but pharmacy I would've been happier. But I was still wrong.
It took me a year and a half to really settle into my major. The intro classes were horrid and I didn't like my professors. But I pushed through anyway, all the while being miserable while doing so.
In the end, I'm lucky to have grown to love my major.
But in hindsight, a little part of me wonders whether or not I should've majored in theater from the beginning. Tonight was the first night in a while that I chose to listen to my show tunes playlist and I couldn't help but think about how much I have changed because I stopped pursuing theater.
Even now, I think a little part of me died since high school because I stopped doing theater.
Do I regret not being a theater major? Maybe.
I'm lucky to really love where I'm at in school right now, but it wasn't an easy road and I've changed a lot as a person because of it.
As for you, if you're trying to decide on a major one big thing I want you to know is that it's okay to not know what you want to do. Whether you're a freshman or a senior, it's 100% okay to not have a clue what path you want to take.
If you're deciding between theater and another major, I wish I could give you the answer. I know when I was deciding what to switch to I just wanted someone to tell me the answer but it's something you have to decide for yourself. Be brave.
Finally, if you're set in your major and are missing theater, I encourage you to try and stay involved the best you can, even if that means doing it by yourself. During my freshman year, I decided to teach myself how to play the guitar and it was the absolute best decision I've ever made.
Getting through this will be hard. But you're strong. You can do this. I have all of the faith in you.
Sincerely,
Your fellow non-theater major
