During the summer, you used to take me to watch the sunset. I would stare out the car window on the drive there, approximately counting out the number of minutes until the sun would go down. It was my favorite thing to do, especially with you. The colors fascinated me, always pulling me in leaving me wanting more.
But summer ended and something began to dawn on me. I found the changing pattern of each sunset haunting, and realized we could relate to them. The shifting of each nightly phase made me wonder about how much I was waiting for inconsistent things.
Some rare nights, the sky burst into a million colors setting the horizon up in flames. There would be different shades of purple, orange, and yellow dancing all around the sun as it slowly sank into darkness. It always reminded me of a painting that need not be touched. These were my favorite kind of nights. I craved them so much, and found myself praying for them to come more often than they ever did. These nights reminded me of our great days. The days that were to come and be lived out in the brightest of ways. The reason why love is a feeling that we write, sing, and read about.
Most nights, I found the sky to be grey and showing no signs of color or the sun. They were bleak and dreary, making me wonder how such a beautiful portrait could be painted before. How could something so wonderful not appear every day and be replaced by something so ugly in the meantime? Waiting for it's return bothered me more than anything. These nights reminded me of the times I sat awake with tears streaming down my face. The times of fights, lies, and tears that left me in anticipation. I was waiting around in hope of the beautiful colors to appear again.
These moments of beautiful color did not come around enough, and every night that sunset changed. One moment it was spontaneously gorgeous, while another it was begging to be hand painted and crafted with such care. But those hands would never come, and that day would be another lesson learned of disappointing anticipation.
You were my sunset. Changing the scene in the blink of an eye. Shifting from beautiful colors and wonderful curiosity, to blackness and dark rainy skies that left me wondering when the light would return. I was looking up to you, only to be disappointed in the end. I was pushing through the bad, to only find that little sliver of good.
It did not come around often enough, and I found myself moving on from chasing that sunset every night. I let it go, just like I let you go. I no longer search for that cheap thrill that took me ages to get. From now on, I let that beautiful sunset find me. And when I see it, I no longer sit and wait for it's return.
