Motherhood is amazing, awe-inspiring, scary and beautiful all wrapped up into a bursting at the seams package. All of the ideas and notions that I had about being a mother, before I became one, were instantly shattered upon my first daughter's arrival. Nothing can prepare you for how much love your heart will feel for the precious baby you just brought into this world. The sleepless nights, the early mornings, the blow out diapers and everything else in between that happens will leave you in a shell shock of emotions. I never thought that one, tiny little person would leave me in a state of constant exhaustion and bliss. I honestly didn't even think that those two emotions could be felt at the same time. And to be honest I wouldn't change any of the roller coaster emotions.
I never planned on being a single mother but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. It's been a long, tough road but it has made me a better mother and a much better person. I don't have the option to sit down and give up. I allow myself "time-outs" when I'm feeling overwhelmed but I have to pick myself up by my boot straps and start again. I have two precious baby girls that look up to me and depend on me for everything. I am their role model, their cook, chauffer, the referee and most importantly, the person they feel the most safe with. As much as a daunting task that it sounds like, I rise up to the challenge each and every day. I am not a perfect mother and I have my days where we stay in our pajamas all day and binge watch netflix together. I am not entirely proud of those days but I am human after all. And my kids think that I am the coolest mom ever when those days happen, so I collect my "cool mom" points for the day and plan for the next day to be better. What amazes me the most about my girls is how resilient they are. They don't care if I have had the best day ever or the worst day ever, they still know that I love them and they know that nothing will ever change the amount of love I have for them.
Impromptu dance parties, make-up sessions for my 4 year old and belting out Let It Go every chance we can are the moments that I look forward to the most. The silly moments that happen at home, in the car and slightly embarrising, the grocery store. I just have to laugh and roll with the punches on that one. My child singing frozen loudly at the store is better than my child throwing themselves on the ground in a full blown meltdown, and yes I've dealt with both more than I would like to admit.
Watching you sleep, kissing the top of your head oh so gently and whispering a million I love you's are the endings to each day that I look forward to. Snuggling both of you and realizing just how big you both are getting. Calming your night terrors, letting you sleep on me when you are sick and helping you get ready for bed, even after a million bed time stories, a thousand songs and 3 big gulps of water because you just cannot sleep without them and would honestly, in your own words, absolutely die; those moments are the ones that save me from the brink of mommyhood insanity and bring me slowly back down to realizing that I would absolutely perish without doing your bedtime routine with you.
Watching both of you little ladies grow has been such an amazing blessing and responsibility that I do not take lightly. Pretty soon my first leading lady will be jumping into preschool feet first and I just can't imagine that its been 4 short yet so long years since I brought her into this world. And my second leading lady will be turning 2 in december. What a rush of emotions. Both of you have turned into amazing, sweet little ladies with enough sass to kill an elephant. But I love that about both of you. Headstrong and ready for anything life throws your way, and lets be honest, you would probably throw it right back. I am so excited to see what the next decade has in store for you ladies. My mind can't help but jump ahead to watching you graduate highschool, go to college, get married and one day possibly starting families of your own. I always find myself staring at you and having to reel myself back in and stay present in the here and now. I love you little ladies more than life itself and I hope that you continue to know how much I love you even when I am the meanest, most horrible mommy ever; which is quite a bit right now according to my 4 year old. Maintain your innocence, work hard at everything you do and please stay loyal to yourself and your values. Mommy loves you to the stars, the moon and beyond.
