My First Love Wasn't The One, But That's Okay, Because There Are Other Fish In The Sea
Start writing a post
Dating

My First Love Wasn't The One, But That's OK, Because There Are Other Fish In The Sea

Though painful now, I will always cherish the days we spent laughing, kissing, laying intertwined in each other and the love that we shared.

342
My First Love Wasn't The One, But That's OK, Because There Are Other Fish In The Sea
Tori Carroll

I remember the first time you made me cry. I felt the tears form in my heart before they ever reached my eyes. I told you I was in love with you, as much as I didn't want to admit it. I cried since I was scared and because it was beautiful nonetheless.

I then cried because you told me you loved me too.

I never wanted to let myself feel that way knowing the possibility of failure. I feared the heartbreak I had seen my whole life, but when I looked into your eyes, I couldn't help but fall.

And so I cried, allowing your promise of eternal love comfort my quivering heart.

I really did have faith in our "always." And I know you used to too. You told me once when you thought I was asleep. Your fingers ran through my hair and I listened as you whispered the word forever. You made me believe in infinity, in a love without loss. In the face of our passion, the fears that once held me back became obsolete.

I think it was in your eyes. You looked at me like I was all you could see, unaware of the smile that materialized as I met your gaze. If I close eyes I can almost taste the love I felt you radiate. No doubts, just a warmth that penetrated my soul. These memories that used to live in the brightest parts of my heart now reside in the pit of my stomach, along with them an aching I have yet to learn how to shake.

I don't know how to act nowadays. I don't know who to be to make you to look at me the way you used to. I don't know how to be something you miss. I've tried to ignore you but you're unaffected by my absence. Attempts at jealousy are met only by apathy. There are times I let go of my indifferent demeanor, using love, hoping you'll recognize the girl you once fell for. I reach out to tell you how special you are, how much I still care, thinking maybe you will realize you still feel that way too, but still my words not reciprocated.

The truth is you're fine without me. The love that once had you feeling for my attention, the love that conjured a constant need for my contact, the love that made you miss me minutes after we parted, no longer exists. I don't know where things changed for you. I've killed myself trying to pinpoint when it all went wrong, when I became someone you no longer cared to have. I don't think I will ever have answers to those questions and maybe that's okay. But in my heart I feel like perhaps if I knew, I would somehow be able to fix things.

I remember the last time you made me cry. I sat down to write you a letter and realized it had become a goodbye. There was a time when it hurt you to see me hurt; I guess when it becomes a regular occurrence it loses its impact. But still I cry. I cry because I feel so defeated. I cry because I've realized there's nothing I can do to make you want me if you don't. I cry because I'm not ready to let you go.

I would hold on forever if I could. Because in my mind you're still the boy in the bath, you're still my best friend, you're still my one. I have never once taken for granted the times we have had. Though painful now, I will always cherish the days we spent laughing, kissing, laying intertwined in each other and the love that we shared.

Those days are in the past I guess, but here in the present I still wish you only eternal happiness. I want you to have the whole world, even more than I want to be the one who gives it to you. I hope you find forever in yourself and fulfillment in all that comes your way. I am so proud to have been part of your story.

All my love, T

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

51497
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

33060
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

956046
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

180990
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments