Have you ever loved someone so much that you were willing to do anything--anything--for them? I have. My brother, 11 years my junior, has proven to be the biggest lesson in love I could have ever received. The day I met him is one I will never forget: I was flooded with emotions. Here was this little bundle of baby and blankets that I wished for as long as my memory stretched. See, the funny thing about babies is that an instant bond of love is formed, a bridge between two hearts that is completed upon first breath. You have no clue who they will turn out to be. Even if they like Red Vines more than Twizzlers, you promise to love them with your entire being. I had a plan when my new brother came home. I vowed that I would stand by him for his entire life. Protect him, care for him, love him unconditionally. I was so focused on teaching him how to love that I didn't realize he was teaching me to love--the correct way.
Whenever a decision cannot be made in my house, the six-year-old is turned to for an answer. His honesty and bluntness is something to envy. Recently, the definition of love became cloudy for me, as I believe it does for most people at some point. So, seeing my predicament about what the true meaning is, I turned to him and asked, "What is love to you?" He answered shortly and quickly, simply remarking that love is happiness. Happiness. That's it. Love is happiness. Love is not staying up late crying. Love is not sacrificing your own interests for someone else. Love is not forcing yourself to believe that you can make a relationship work. I'm not saying that love doesn't require changes. It would be naive of me to think that way. However, those changes have to be wanted on the giving end. You have to want to change for someone without them asking you to. If you make a change because you've been asked to, it is most likely laced with resentment.
Somehow love has become a very selfish entity. We are slow to give it because we are afraid we will not receive it in return. This is why it is ironic that we love the children in our lives with such passion and vigor. There is no expectation that they will reciprocate at a young age. Why then, with this mentality, are they the ones who have the clearest idea of what love is? By smothering them with love and expecting none, we are showing them what love is. We cannot see this, though.
Too often we are poisoned by books and movies that romanticize love to the point that we believe a sacrificial gesture done in the almighty name of love is needed in all of our other relationships. Love, in its purest form, is providing someone with happiness. By taking a picture with Santa until I was 14 because my little brother, the center of my world, was too scared to go alone, I was teaching him to love. Yes, it was embarrassing for me. But was I going to let him miss out on a part of his childhood? No, I was going to march right up there with him and ease his fears. I was going to give him the happiness that bubbles up inside of children when they tell Santa what they want for Christmas and show him that I will always do anything for him, no matter how dumb or dorky I look.
I had to change to be a good big sister. No longer could I be selfish or worry about what others thought. It was easy, though. Seeing joy on my brother's face is something that brings me joy. This has taught me to take these values into my other relationships. There is a reason humans are made to feel good about themselves when they do something for another. We're hardwired for it. We're designed to give others happiness. So, if we all started focusing on the simplicity of love instead of the tarnished ideals we hold, we just may find that there is more love to give. Only then will there be more love to receive. A very popular Bible verse teaches that love does not fail so long as it is free of envy and selfishness. Maybe if we took this more seriously we would see true love in all of our relationships.
