I have fell in love with someone that I didn’t know. God knew who he was and he kept bringing him around me, but I didn’t know it at the time. He was going to love me. He was going to introduce a love to me that I never knew existed. A man who was so wonderful that I was not worthy. Yes I said “worthy” because God knew I was not ready yet. He had to get me one last relationship first.
This was my freshman year of college in which the man I met then was a sophomore. I was optimistic, ready to meet new people and gain new experiences. It was then I noticed college was filled with ignorant horny boys. Emphasis on the “boys.” And it wasn’t just the boys. I walked into an environment of adolescent immaturity that I didn’t believe existed anymore in this entirely different world. I couldn’t blame it on just my freshman class either, but on all the people I was meeting. Girls looking for Mr. D while I was searching for Mr. Right. I didn’t feel like I belonged. It was then I met a sophomore man who treated me with love and respect. With that relationship I learned the do’s and don’ts.
It’s okay to open your heart to trust; there is a good chance they’ll protect you. It’s not okay to let them walk all over you and flip complicated situations on you. It’s okay to be independent. It’s not okay to take care of both him and yourself more than 50% of your relationship. It’s okay to fall in love. It’s not okay to fall victim.
We didn’t last and I admit it was the worst feeling in the world at that time because I did not see it coming. I thought we were so in love until reality hit - aka God. He reminded me that he was just molding me, helping me grow through that current relationship. He had to bring me quick before I lost the man he made for me forever. I didn’t truly realize how long I had been running in darkness until I ran head first into him. It wasn’t until I was going to yell at the person I ran into because I was running aimlessly that I realized something was different. I was love struck. My world completely opened up and that never happened before. Who was this man? Why am I feeling these feelings? I tried to deny these feelings despite how much it was hurting him. He wanted to give this love to me, but I was afraid. I never felt a love like this before in this mortal world. How was I supposed to react? This light was blinding me, making me shy away. Further and further away. Why am I still running? I see his hurt expression saying, “But, I love you.” And I love you too! I love you...wow, I love you.
So that’s what I’ve been feeling? So when my heart pounds when his name crosses my mind, this is love? When he simply looks at me like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, this is love? When he gently holds my hand, indicating that he can’t imagine life without me in it, this is love. Why am I just realizing this? God, you knew. You are telling me that I am ready. You are saying to “take this love and run. You’re not alone. You have me, your family, your friends, and now the man I created for you. For love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love never fails. And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love,” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 NIV).
