There are two types of girls in this world: Those who obsess over Nicholas Spark’s movies and long for fairy tale endings, and then there is me.
Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, love cures all of their pain and hardships, a wedding date is set, and then they live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence. Right? Isn’t that what Nicholas Sparks movies impel you to believe? That love is the final solution to all struggles, the ultimate goal of life.
Wrong. I don’t think that is an accurate or realistic apprehension of love. But our culture would beg to differ. Many idealize love, and because of that, love is overestimated. The unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment with not only our current relationships, but future relationships as well.
When we buy into the concept “love rectifies all problems,” we are actually buying into a line of bullshit. Hence why the statistic "50 percent of marriages ending in divorce" has been roughly accurate for the past 40 or so years. I mean, if love resolves all complications, isn’t love all we need? But, when we believe that love is all we need, we overlook the core values in a relationship such as respect, trust, and commitment.
I am definitely not what one would consider a “hopeless romantic.” I have a divergent perspective of love. I think it’s key to be real with relationships and dating because that way you don’t hold high standards for what love should be. All jokes aside, I can’t expect Prince Charming if I am not an (actual) princess, am I right?
If I haven’t scared you away by my harsh outlook yet, allow me to propose you with some verities:
Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t mean they are right for you, even if you are right for them. In fact, you can fall in love with someone that treats you poorly, brings out the worst in you, etc. On the other hand, it is also possible to fall in love with someone that doesn’t share the same beliefs or ambitions as you do. In this case, the relationship will mix as well as dynamite and a match - very explosive, and the destruction can do some severe damage.
It’s common to dive head first into a relationship because you feel some sort of “spark” with another individual. You tell yourself it just feels right, even though you know he treats his mother poorly and has a God-awful relationship with his siblings. From personal experience, I know all too well what it’s like to look back on a relationship and wonder, “when did everything fall apart?” Well, it wasn’t ever ‘together’ in the first place.
It’s important to follow your heart when it comes to love, but it is essential to use your mind. Grasp that love doesn’t uniform compatibility. There is no such thing as a compatible couple, every single couple disagrees on similar things: time, money, etc. You have to learn to manage your dissimilarities with another individual. Love doesn’t equal compatibility, but compatibility stems from love and can be created. Once it is constructed, maybe then you will become soul mates.
When I moved into college, I was in a long distance relationship with a boy that was two and a half hours away, had a full-time job so couldn’t visit often, prioritized going out over talking to me, and consistently made me cry because of all of the fighting.
Each time the fighting was over, we would make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another. I was convinced that our fighting didn’t matter, we were so in love and the only reason we were fighting was because we couldn’t deal with the distance. I thought each time he told me he loved me, it solved our issues. If you had to guess, do you think we are still together? No. Getting told “I love you,” may warm your heart, but it doesn’t solve your relationship problems.
You might as well call me Dr. Phil because I am spitting love lessons at you like it’s my job or something. But, I’ll leave you with one last thing. Love doesn’t solve all of your problems and it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Also, it’s okay to make sacrifices in a relationship, but know the limits. A healthy relationship is suppose to augment our discrete identity, not destroy it. Remember that!
