When you fall in love with someone, you have to be prepared to get your heart shattered. You really do, because it is inevitable. It doesn't matter how wonderful the person is, how sweet or kind or genuine they are, it doesn't matter. Because pain changes people.
And love is pain.
You should be ready for pain, for heartbreak, for anger and frustration. You should also be ready for happiness and excitement and hundreds of amazing memories. You should be prepared for butterflies and heart racing moments and first times. You get to be excited about the possibilities- the "wow is this forever?" moments.
You should be prepared for love- for the same unconditional love that you're going to give someone.
You should not, however, have to be prepared for a narcissist. You should not have to beg someone to love you, to care, to stay. You should not have to be ready for an abusive relationship. People should be decent and kind and treat you the way you deserve- and you should not have to be ready for anything less.
Narcissists don't know what unconditional love is.
Here's how I know:
I was dating this guy when I was seventeen and crying over him- the same guy I'd been crying over since I was twelve. On this particular day, I had finally had enough of the lies and the cheating and the harsh words and I said, "I'll never love you again. You hurt me. You hurt me so much."
And he laughed. He laughed and said "Everyone is going to hurt you- for your whole life, people are going to hurt you. Because you're easy to hurt."
And then he turned around and walked away.
Does that sound like unconditional love? Like any kind of love? Absolutely not.
The backlash of this for him was: people congratulating him for getting away from the "crazy" girl he was dating. He got a new girlfriend less than a week later and he started ignoring me and pretending we were never anything- that I was never anything. He was happy.
The backlash for me, though, was something else entirely. I got judged, made fun of, and labeled as the "crazy undateable girl that so-and-so dumped because she was crazy."
Which is absolute bull sh*t. You don't get to cheat and lie and sneak around- you don't get to do everything in your power to destroy a person and then call them crazy for reacting.
You don't get to make a person lose their confidence, self worth, self love, and whatever else, and then continue to remotely destroy things for them.
Or at least you shouldn't get to, because it's not okay. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because they'll still do whatever they want without any regards to your feelings.
And that, my friends, is what dating a narcissist is like.
Call it what you want: gaslighting, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse- whatever. It all means the same thing. You're ruined, destroyed, wrecked, whatever. It all means the same. Exact. Thing.
And people who do it they, well, they suck. That's all there is to it.
You might love them, they probably love you, but love is not always enough. Mark my words, love is not always enough.
You do not deserve someone that hurts you, someone that tells you you're easy to hurt. You don't deserve any of it.
So you have to leave. And you can't look back.
You have to be brave during this time. You have to pick yourself up- no one is going to do it for you- and you have to move the hell on. You have to do this for you. It can't be for your parents or your friends. You'll come to the decision on your own and their will be no turning back.
He will try to get you back, no doubt. You'll be the best thing that ever happened to him and he's going to feel the emptiness you leave behind for the rest of his life. No matter what he says, though, it won't be different this time. He hasn't changed. He doesn't want to be better for you. So you gotta go, girl.
And you will.
And guess what? When you find love- real, unconditional love- you're going to be so happy you left that narcissistic a**hole. Because you're finally going to know your worth and you're finally going to be happy. And that, that is everything.
