Due to watching my younger sister begin to indulge in the dating world, and because Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I was inspired to share why I believe love is so “hard to find” these days.

As human beings, we have expectations for everything, especially when it comes to whom we imagine we’d be spending the rest of our lives with. I believe that it is completely normal to be creating the perfect man or the perfect woman for us in our minds. However, I have learned through experience that the one you will be with in the end does not fit those expectations, and that can lead us to be disappointed.

Something really important I learned from being in Psychology class was that we all have something called “self-monitoring.” It is when you present yourself to someone the way your ideal self would, and it is something we all do when we meet people in order to have a good first impression. The problem with this is that the more you spend time with a person, the more you begin to learn about who they truly are. To be in a successful, loving relationship, there has to be forgiveness when it comes to differences and flaws that you did not see in the beginning. Everyone going into a new relationship should keep in mind that there is more to a person than what you will see in the next two months, or five months, or even a year. Relationships are an ongoing learning process between both people, and you will begin to realize that you will discover something new about your significant other for as long as you will be with each other.

Love is intimacy, passion, and happiness between both people, but it is also about being a strong support system and a friend. Love is not a fairytale; you and your significant other will not always be feeling joyous and invincible. We all have our struggles and it is important to understand that because you will be dealing with hardships throughout your time together. You will need to be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear, but you will also need a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to your heart. It is crucial in a relationship to be able to hold each other’s hands through the good, bad, and the ugly.

Relationships require hard work. It is not easy to be in love. It is inevitable that there will be disagreements and arguments because no two people are the same. There needs to be compromise, patience, and forgiveness. Both you and your partner have to be able to admit when you are wrong, and apologize in order to strengthen the relationship and move forward.

I am going to be twenty-years-old in 2016 and I have been in a relationship with the love of my life since I was a confused and awkward thirteen-year-old in middle school. A lot of people find this to be “insane” or “crazy”, and they wonder what I did to get this far in a relationship with somebody, especially since I have not had a lot of experience with dating. I always reply with something along the lines of: being in love is difficult; it is to be patient, to be accepting, forgiving, and to be able to listen and compromise. Love is not perfect; it is not Prince Charming on your doorstep to take you away from the hardships in this world. It is being able to experience the wonderful moments of life, and the worst moments with your best friend, and create a fairytale of your own.