The other day, I presented a close friend with this question:
What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about me?
Although they were initially hesitant to respond, they proceeded to tell me that my strength and my weakness were one in the same. That strength and weakness happens to be how hard I love. Okay, I’ll admit it. It’s true. Sometimes I love too hard, and it can be a positive and a negative thing.
I’m the type of girl who can’t let go after break-ups. With every break-up I’ve had, I’ve never cut it cold turkey. There was always some remnant of a relationship that made the choice of separation seem non-existent. I’m also the type of girl who loves even when the relationship is all said and done. It’s usually not because I’m lonely. It’s usually because I sometimes tend to have more faith than I should in getting back with the person because if we really love each other, it’s bound to happen again, right? That’s naive to think, but it’s true what they say— love can be blinding.
I’m the type of girl who loves without cause and forgives fast. What I mean is that I can very easily love someone even before they give me a reason to. My love for a person doesn’t begin with them doing something for me. It begins when they catch my attention, and I see greatness in them. This love isn’t always romantic. It can be friendship wise too, but even then, it’s strong love. I also forgive fast. I can’t stay mad too long. I am one of those people who just wishes for peace in every situation. So no argument or harsh words can leave me angry for too long… even if I decide to leave the friendship or relationship—which brings me to my next point.
I’m the type of girl that’s hard to get rid of once I know that I love you. I love the people who have done me wrong. I love my exes (not romantically, but just genuine love). I can be cordial with them no matter the reason we broke up, and if it wasn’t anything damaging to my entire being, I’d probably be willing to be friends with them. I’m especially hard to get rid of to the people who believe I’d walk way. Many people tend to feel that because of how I express my faith, they can’t be around me if they do something I wouldn’t approve— until they realize that even though I don’t agree, I’m going to love them anyway.
I’m the type of girl that believes “love” is a feeling, an action, and a choice. You don’t only feel love, but you show it through your actions and make a choice to love someone. I can easily turn my back on anyone who has done me wrong. I can very easily expose my pride and pretend like I don’t give a crap about anyone who has broken my heart. I could walk away from every person who does anything I don’t agree with. I can leave people in my past and have nasty attitudes towards them, but what’s the point? My anger benefits nothing and no one.
All those things can also be considered a weakness because I put myself in a position to get hurt a lot. I’m the girl of countless second chances, and that’s easy to take advantage of. Some might say that it’s ridiculous to love like that. It doesn’t make sense. Why would you love people that treated you this way and that way? Why won’t you just let go? Why do you still care? I get those questions all the time, but I’ll tell you what I told my friend:
Honestly, I choose to love…not that I can help it. When people do something wrong, their first reaction is to run from me. They try to fix themselves in order to have any type of relationship with me. When they treat me poorly, they’re always sure that I’ll be gone after that. They put me on this pedestal because of my faith, and I don't find it flattering. It just makes me think… what if God stopped loving us when we pushed Him away or if we had to fix ourselves before coming to Him? What if God stopped loving us when we walked away from Him or denied our love for Him? It would be literal Hell. So yeah, I’m going to love hard no matter what, because I learned to love from love Himself. It might be my strength and my weakness, but it sure won’t stop me.
I’ll only love harder.
