I am a shy extrovert.
It’s the world’s biggest paradox as I thrive from being around people, yet am paralyzed whenever I meet anyone new. I love hanging out with a small group of friends, but feel drained whenever I am at a big party. I appreciate human interaction as much as the next person, though all I want to do at the end of the day is read and do sudoku puzzles.
Of course, I know I’m not particularly unique as I’m sure this is something pretty much any shy extrovert - or ambivert - can wholeheartedly relate to. The issue is, is that being painfully shy is difficult to deal with on a daily basis. In my rational mind, I know that I’m not under constant scrutiny because the reality is, no one cares about you nearly as much as you think you do. Even so, this doesn’t change that I can never place an order at a restaurant or ask a retail employee a question. If I need to make a call to someone I don’t know for any reason, you best bet that I will have already rehearsed and written out what I want to say (plus their possible responses, and my possible response to said possible responses). I can’t walk down the street without constantly looking behind me to make sure that no one is following me. Half of my everyday moves are done in a way to cater to my general timidness. Oddly enough, the people closest to me laugh whenever I try to explain to them just how shy I really am. Who I am as an individual to friends does not equate to who I am as an individual to strangers. This is a key point I would like to emphasize.
Most ironically, I have had multiple jobs that all involved customer service. It is especially funny when I consider that I honest-to-god still have trouble interacting with people, even if it is from a professional standpoint. Friendly people, people who give me compliments, people who make jokes, people who tell me their life stories... I always appreciate their kindness and wish it were easier for me to warm up to them faster. I never want others to mistake my shyness for aloofness or a cold attitude - but I guess it happens anyway.
The main reason I wrote this is because it’s easy to assume shy people are nothing but immature children whose fragile egos have been protected their entire lives. That social confidence is easily attainable. That being a timid person is not inherently an aspect of your personality, so much as a conscious decision that you make every time you choose to skip out on a social gathering because the idea of interacting with strangers paralyzes you. That shyness is silly. That it is annoying and inconvenient to everyone around you.
And, us shy people, we get it. We understand that you think it is ridiculous that crowded rooms make us claustrophobic. We feel your exasperation whenever we refuse to get food because the idea of eating in public sometimes scares us. We know we can’t dictate how you feel about us, and I am not asking you to not be annoyed because ultimately your emotions are your own.
But don’t tell us to “just get over it”.
Seriously, don’t.
