I do not need the attraction of a male specimen to feel beautiful. I do not need the attention of a male specimen to feel loved. I do not need the acceptance of a male specimen to feel worthy.
I can tell myself this until I die. Yet, I crave all those things. As a living, breathing entity, I have fallen into the lustful patterns of dedicating my heart to dumb boys, who do not matter in the grand scheme of my life. I’m over it.
This is more than just ridding my life of guys in a pseudo- “feminazi” manner. I owe it to myself to stop spending time on people that do not matter. In two years, is it going to matter that the guy in my chemistry lab did not text me back? No. What I need are guys who will love me and uplift me and make dorky jokes often.
One thing I am slowly figuring out is "dumb boys" don’t matter as much as good friends do matter. I would take finding a solid guy to live life with over a dumb boy who won’t text me back any day of the week—which is exactly what I plan to do.
I have done a pretty good job at surrounding myself with people that love me by recognizing that good people make good experiences, which have lead me to a good outlook on people. It’s a great cycle to have put myself in. However, I am slowly learning that the opposite is equally true; bad people lead to bad memories, which leads to a negative view on people.
Lately, I am becoming comfortable with the idea that boy friends are great. Since middle school, I have spent far too much time worrying about removing the space between “boy” and “friend.” And I currently feel so liberated from that idea. I no longer have to subconsciously worry about, or fixate on, where a guy is or with whom he is walking to class.
So let’s address the question my mom would have ask me by this point in this article: How did I have this major epiphany? Simply put, burrito runs changed my heart. I realized that living life and breaking bread is the bee’s knees—especially with people I care about. Then, I looked into the relationships I currently have and found that I have learned so much from the guys in my life.
I want to be able to look back and be proud of the people with whom I went on wild, crazy adventures, regardless of their gender. I want to be able to be proud of who I live my life with. I want to be able to live my life for the God above, my main Man, and no one else.
