Not all of us have it easy when it comes to expressing our love for one another, whether they're an immediate family member, relative, close friend or significant other. Reasons can be from timidity; a reluctance to reveal our vulnerable selves or even a sense of pride or anger kept inside of us. With that, there are those who are easily able to show or tell how much they love their parents or siblings every day. Sometimes, it is even easier for us to do so with our best friends rather than our own family.
I've witnessed numerous moments during funerals and the time following after one's passing, of husbands, wives, sons, daughters and close friends pouring out their disclosures along with a collage of various emotions, many of them including guilt and regret.
Now, do you remember the quote, “Cherish your loved ones before they’re gone?” Mhm, that one. As much as possible, now is the time to prevent any more feelings of regret overcome us by letting others recognize how much we care about them before it’s too late to do so.
Every person has a different way of showing their love for one another. Some express it verbally; some with a smile, hug or kiss; some by showering the other person with gifts; while others express it through making sacrifices, showing how patient and supportive they are. Because of these styles differing from person to person, it is important that our way of expressing it is acknowledged and appreciated, and not misunderstood.
I remember being at a family party and hearing a group of aunties lightly joke about how some of their husbands don't say "I love you." I then thought about my uncles and how the absence of those three words from their mouths did not mean their actions of helping out around their homes by fixing some broken lights, cooking or taking their family on a trip were for nothing.
They just expressed their affection differently. There have also been a few moments when children would get upset at their parents for not allowing them to do something their friends were allowed to, assuming they weren't being heard or cared for, when really, the parent's intention was from caring too much – the exact opposite of what was inferred. It made me think about how these small bits of discontentment can possibly lead to feelings of neglect or a lack of sympathy from misunderstanding how every person expresses love, which can be very dangerous in any kind of relationship later on.
The best thing to do is to figure out the communication styles of those you care about and how they interpret actions of love. Allow them to learn and understand your style of doing it and vice versa. Now, think about how others in your life act or speak around you. Is there something you realized and never noticed before? Is that their way of expressing how they love you? Even though their intentions may not be what you interpret, they could be just as genuine as your way of doing things.
Focus on the present, allowing you to be aware of those around you who are still alive today. This will also help you let go of any negative or distressed feelings towards others from the past. Even though it may be hard, try to think of all the nice memories you've had with that person no matter how small. Bring yourself into a thankful mindset, appreciating who is still alive in your life today.
Universal enough for people with all kinds of communication styles, here are four purposeful ways to show your family, friends or significant others that you do love and care about them!
1. Hold meaningful conversations.
You can do this while having meals, going for a drive in the car, taking a night stroll or just being anywhere you prefer at any time you'd like! For those with distance in the way, phone calls and FaceTime calls are essentials! Particularly for this, meaningful conversations don't necessarily have to be about a serious topic. Its significance would come from you and the other side being able to spend genuine time communicating and enjoying each other's company through interesting stories, jokes or personal thoughts. Follow-up questions are a must because they show that you are listening and that you care about what the other side is saying!
2. Support.
Provide moral support for them in whatever they're passionate about and empathetically listen to what they have to say; and hopefully they'll do the same for you, too!
3. Be patient.
Self-explanatory. Being patient is probably one of the most challenging of these, considering how much people annoy us... Am I right? Despite that, patience goes with being merciful; not getting upset at the other person during times that seem like you should because, well, you love them!
4. Never go to bed upset.
Just as important as the other three, not going to bed upset makes all the difference. A sincere apology or even a smile or hug for the person before calling it a night lets them know the slate is clean. The thought of who was right or wrong is useless when it comes to this moment. It'll show them you value the relationship so much that you'd rather put aside your pride than let an argument get in the way.
Remember to stay humble, patient and kind! In no time, those around you will start to catch on and spread the love (or Aloha, as said in Hawai'i Nei)!
