Friends are the fire that stoke my day. I feed off of their beautiful. Nothing else inspires me to live out a day more than knowing that I’ll see someone I love. Nothing makes me want to wake up and move more than the hope that I will have one of those transient moments of buoying affection and understanding that lights up the darker corners of my brain and the world around me.
Learning is green for growth, but homework is dingy grey. It is the absence of color. Homework is the color of irredeemable time spent in laptop-lit study rooms, staring at a screen. The cavernous emptiness of hours leaves me with a parallel empty feeling, a need for something bright and shimmering, like the brain of someone exceptional, talented, and passionate, like the brain of one of my friends.
Who you are has everything to do with who you love, and who you spend time with. Your identity is a collaboration of ideas and reflections, colored by the essence of friends. Every time I hear a part of one of my friends in my voice, or I see an idiosyncrasy in the way they move reflected in the way I move, I have to smile. I am so excited at the prospect of become more a part of the people I admire, more a part of the people I so joyously get to spend all my time with.
Lately I have been splashing in the theories of psychologists. I am taking an intro class, and I have to say, there is something so incredibly satisfying about classifying the beauty of humanity. We listened to an NPR podcast recently, an installment of the Invisibilia series, called “The Personality Myth.” It refers to the idea that personality is more of a social structure than a scientific concept. People change throughout their lives, in fact, very little about an individual is consistent. Most cells regenerate, and those that do not, such as neurons, are made up of atoms that regenerate. Memories last, but are recalled through a difference lens each time, until the initial image disappears. Even DNA changes throughout the context of a lifetime. There’s nothing to suggest that someone will be the same person year after year, other than the perception that they usually are.
Lee Ross was the first man to understand why people act in the same way, and seem like themselves over the course of time. He posited that people seem consistent, because they seek out situations and people who align with who they are as a person and who they want to become. People are the product of the people who they hang out with.
I think in academia, time spent hanging out with friends is seen as time wasted. As students, we measure our productivity with the minutes we neglect from our social lives. I would posit that this is counterproductive. Who you are is important, and your friends are a big part of that. Your people determine you. They inspire you to live every day, and as much as they play a part in who you are, they play an even bigger role in who you will become. You deserve that growth. You owe yourself time spent with beautiful thoughts and expression. You owe it to yourself to fall in love with a personality and to feed that crush with time and imagination.
Frank Sinatra sings a song called “You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You,” that I have always found heartless. It is beyond cruel to tell the unloved that they are nobody. At the same time, I can almost understand why you would. It is not that everyone who is not with another person does not matter, but love and care give life reason. The people in your life are essential to how you are doing, so reach out. If you do not have a friend, make a friend. I know it is hard, and I know it is scary to put yourself in a vulnerable place, but being honest and open and sensitive can produce a reciprocal effect. Sharing a beautiful truth about yourself not only adds to the world around you, but it can inspire someone else to share something priceless with you. It may hurt, a lot. You have to be strong and brave, and sometimes it will not work. It may be that they will not appreciate what makes you fabulous, but you should never give up, because when you inspire magic out of someone with what makes you you, you become more than that. You will look back, and wonder what your life was before, and how you could have survived without seeing half of its color.
Include other people. Yeah OK, maybe that guy in the corner seems a little weird, but he could be a really amazing person, and you could be missing out. Do not let the outward appearance of an individual cloud you from what makes them special. An awkward exterior could conceal the kindest of hearts, so up until the moment another person legitimately acts a creep, give them the benefit of the doubt and just listen. It may be that you were once that person. We have all been alone at one point or another. Give them a chance to be your friend, because you may need that person later. Your life will only be warmer with another person in it to appreciate.
Life is short. Do not waste it away trying to succeed in something that will not ultimately make you happy. Make time for friends. Spend time feeling things and loving people. Your life will only expand. Put yourself out there, and be compassionate when someone else approaches you. Everyone knows what isolation feels like. It does not breed good feelings, and it certainly does not teach good social etiquette, so be kind. Make room in your life to love other people. They are beautiful and complex and intricate. Their laughter will ring in your ears for hours. Their smiles will make you happier, and when they welcome you in, and ask you to be a bigger part of their life, there is no greater feeling in the world.
Love somebody and love yourself. There is no greater calling. Nothing matters more than the people that matter to you, so live your life for someone else, and watch your days bloom into something more meaningful.
