Self respect means a lot of things to a lot of different people. In my opinion, self respect means being confident in your choices, and who you are as a person. It took months of denial to finally realize that I was not treating myself in way that the old me would have been proud of. It took losing my self respect, and finding it again, to recognize the importance of having morals and boundaries. I'm not going to lie, it has been a long journey, and one that will probably never end. Everyday I am working toward becoming a stronger person, and it was one car ride in particular that made me put my life into perspective.
It was a rainy Friday night around 11:30 p.m., and I just dropped off my two best friends at their houses. After a quick exchange of "'night loves" and a promise to text in the morning, I was off. I don't know what enticed me to take the long way home, but I found myself pulling into into the parking lot my old elementary school. I put my car into park, and listened to the rain drops fall as the faint noise of SiriusXM "The Highway" played in the background. Then the opening cords to Cole Swindell's latest single began playing, "You Should Be Here." For those who don't know the song, it's about the artist's father passing away. For some reason I began crying, and thought about my Uncle Vic who passed away in 2010. I have never been one to deal with my emotions well,, and tend to push all negative feelings aside. This was probably the first time since his funeral, that I really thought about him. He is, by far, one of the kindest people I have ever met, and I am beyond lucky to have had him been part of my life. I wondered what he would have thought about the person I have become. Deep down, I know that i'm a good person, but have definitely made my fair share of mistakes. I knew that if my Uncle Vic was looking down at me, he would tell me that I need to start respecting myself; so that's what I promised myself I'd do.
A huge part of self respect, is having the decency to stand up for yourself when you're being treated poorly. This past year, I used meaningless people to fill a void, that I didn't even realize I was trying to fill. As a result, it strained my relationships with the people who matter most to me. I went out of my way to please those who were both undermining and demeaning. My self worth was heavily placed on virtual stranger's opinion of me, and I disregarded those who had only my best interest in heart. I found myself in situations that I never would have gotten myself into a year ago, and I had to ask myself, What the f*** are you doing? No matter how many warnings my friends gave out, I had to make the change. Self respect is knowing when it is time to cut someone out of your life. I then went through my contact list, and anybody who I deemed toxic, was deleted. I adopted a one strike policy for potential friends/love interests; if you screw up, you're out of my life. My mom and friend April, have always said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." It never sank in until recently, but now I live by it.
Self respect is all about loving who you are, and this was something I struggled with. When I was younger, I was always praised on my confidence. Even now, I have no trouble going up to people I don't know and starting a conversation. If people had to describe me, they would probably use: friendly, outgoing, energetic, and optimistic. While I do feel that I am those things, there's another side of me that I don't usually show the world. I have a crazy, funny personality which I love, but I often feel others don't. Walking into a room and feeling that others either: find you annoying, don't want you there, or wish you would leave isn't easy. Since I was in high school, I could never really figure out who I was. I was always the "good girl" but after a few blunders, I figured i'd take a whirl at being the "rebellious girl". That just left me feeling even more empty and confused. It wasn't until recently that I realized I don't need to conform into a specific category; I am Liz and she is pretty damn awesome! Never let other people's opinions dictate your happiness, you are completely in control of how you view yourself.
Self respect is simply accepting your life (and who you are) for what it is, and making the best of it. Of course, there are going to be days (or weeks, or even months) when you are confused as all hell. If there is one thing I learned, is that self respect is the most important quality a person can have. Without it, you might as well sell your soul to the devil. Self respect is the basis of a healthy relationship with yourself, let alone others. It took realizing that I had very little self respect, to gain it in a way that I never would have imagined. I know my worth and I no longer put up with bullsh*t from myself, or others. It may take hearing a sad country song or even this article to realize that you haven't been treating yourself right. Self reflection is hard, and even a little bit cringeworthy, but once you take a few steps in the right direction, before you know it you'll be running.
