I'm a lost Christian.
I call myself a Christian — and I know in my heart that I love God and Jesus — but I only believe, and I don't know if that's enough. I don't go to church. I don't make time for it. I stay home and watch "Grey's Anatomy" on Thursday nights when a lot of my friends are at Bible study. I know multiple people that have tried to witness to me. I ignore them. I don't think it's their right to try and fix me. I don't think I need fixing. I know I do. I pray when I'm asked to or when I need something. I pray when I'm scared or concerned and that's about it. I pray for others but never really for myself. If I woke up tomorrow with the things I thanked God for today, I'd have nothing.
I question if there really is a plan because His plan is different than mine. I know what it's like to stand and praise and feel so lifted because the music is racing through my veins but the pure love and dedication to Christ is not. I'm supposed to spread the word but I don't want to offend anyone else with my religion. I don't talk about it because not everyone else is a Christian.
Honestly, I don't believe in organized religion. I don't like to talk about my faith because I'm afraid someone will think I'm not all in. I'm afraid that someone that matters the most to me knows I'm not all in. I put God on the back burner and some of you are cringing as you read this, but it's true. A lot of us let Him fade into the background. I know I'm not the only one.
I find comfort in Bible verses but couldn't tell you very many stories from the Bible. I have verses plastered on my wall and in my Instagram bio so people know I believe, but do I really mean it? Not quite. How can you mean something when it's not an essential part of you? It's embarrassing to admit this, but I'm a lost Christian. I'm selfish and think of my life in terms of what I've done instead of in terms of what He has done.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, and I have a problem. I need more of Him. He must be greater than I. I've been lazy. It's a never-ending journey. The best part is knowing that he will never give up on me, so I'm working on it. More importantly, He's working on me.





















