Swirling rooms and gaping holes.

I know not where I am going from here
A glow on a nice day

To distraught at night and careful consideration in the morning, next.

Next I wander looking for an arrow

Looking for a direction

Hoping for a sign.

I do not know what's up and what is down

The things from behind come into focus in front of me

I am pushed into a line and forced to sit still

But I can't and I won't and

I have too much energy to find out

What my purpose is and the needle is in my hands,

It's shaking but it's there

This is Control. Grounded and rooted within

The needs and desire for

Complete control.

To maintain

And grow and do as I like without

Problems and life and things

Getting in the way.

Strands strung to create

A larger

More satisfying piece even knowing

That once they are turned into a cloth the

Control and power has left the knotted hands

And is out of luck- Full of lack.

Where are my roots? Who do I come from? Where is it that shows me the way?

As leaves change and

Time and space pervades and erupts in a reality

That looks like nothing we recognize,

There is a silver lining that divides between the happy mistakes

And bitter successes that these connections have begun to weave and intertwine.
I try to let go

To release the things breaking me and bringing me to my

Lowest points.

I know this piece that I made is only partly out of my control

The loss

The missing

The outer conditions that I cannot fight.

Something about the loss of this control Is so interesting and intriguing and heart stopping.

This thing that I am in and in

Goes deeper that I could have ever imagined

And the beauty is that

I really do not know where I am going.