I will always remember April 20, 2018. Most people associate the day as a holiday to get high, but to me, it was the day when my angel went to heaven.
I will always remember how it felt to get the news. I didn't cry, it was like I couldn't. I could not produce tears. For anyone who knows me, I cry at Hallmark movies, so this should have evoked a never-ending stream of sobs. But I was dry-eyed. My mom was crying and telling me it would be okay, but I knew it wouldn't be.
This woman had raised me. I stayed with her every single day until I started school. We would have tea parties with whales and Dr. Pepper and then watch the "Price Is Right." I always thought she would be there to see me graduate. I never imagined my life without her.
I was asked to do the reading from the Old Testament at the funeral. I wanted to do it. She loved going to church and I wanted to be a part of that. The passage I read brought me to tears.
It made me cry when no one else wasn't around. Because I knew these words were coming from her. In the book of Wisdom, it says: "To the unenlightened, they appeared to die, their departure was regarded as a disaster, they're leaving us like annihilation, but they are at peace."
Those words penetrated my very being. I was focusing on her death. The fact that she was not on Earth anymore. That I could never hug her again. That we would never watch Elvis movies again. That she would not see me graduate.
My granny always wanted me to be intelligent. She cared so much about my grades. After every report card, she would look at it and give me a dollar for working so hard in school. Well, I was working for my diploma and it meant the world to me that she would see me get it. I was foolish enough to think should wouldn't.
Yes, it's hard not to have her here physically, but she is in no way gone. She watched me walk across that stage that night. She was with me, holding my hand and cheering the loudest in the crowd. I wore her necklace that night to feel close to her, but her presence filled up the entire arena. She will be with me for the rest of my life.
The last verses I read from the book of Wisdom read: Those who trust in him will understand the truth, those who are faithful will live with him in love; for grace and mercy await his holy ones, and he intervenes on behalf of his chosen.
She lives in Heaven now. She was truly an angel and went home to be with the Lord. I miss her like crazy, but I have peace knowing she is with my Pawpaw and her brothers. A loss is a terrible thing, grief can eat away at you until there is nothing left. I cannot imagine how I would get through this if it wasn't for the knowledge that we will be together again one day.
