The five most important things a person learns after suffering the loss of a father.
1. It Never Gets Easier... You Just Learn How To Handle It
I was 13 years old when my dad died. He died in his sleep, a heart attack. He was 41 years old. It's been almost seven years since I lost him, and something I've learned is that I never miss him less. Thinking about him and how much I miss him in my life has never gotten easier, just different. I've learned to appreciate the good memories, and how I cope best with the grief. For me, it helps to talk to people who knew my dad and tell funny and memorable stories of his life. I also like to write him letters, and even talk to him at his grave. Some people say time heals, which I believe is kind of true. The grief isn't as fresh and sharp and painful as it was seven years ago, but instead is a constant ache, a hole in my heart that will always be for him.
2. All Dad Specific Events Are The Worst
Dad's Weekend, Daddy-Daughter Dances, Father's Day... The list goes on. These are the days that pack the hardest punch. These are the days where you can literally feel the awful ache in your heart, the longing to have your Dad with you, like all of your friends seem to have. These are the days when you have to lean on the ones that you love and trust the most. Personally, Dad's Weekend at my sorority is the worst. It seems like almost everyone has a Dad to hang out and have fun with that weekend. It's very easy to fall deep into a sad place, and that's when I have to reach out to those sisters of mine that have lost Dads as well for support. It's good to know that I am not the only person to have suffered through this particular type of grief.
3. Major Life Events Are Always Bittersweet Now
From graduating high school to moving into my freshman dorm room, all of my big life events after losing my Dad have been bittersweet. Missing him comes in waves, but the waves seem to turn into a tsunami whenever I'm experiencing major life events and changes. This is just one of the many aspects of grieving a parent that was taken from you too early in life. One of the ones that really gets me is my wedding. Hopefully someday I'll get to marry the man of my dreams, but I won't get to have my Dad walk me down the aisle and give me away. This moment is a traditional Dad and daughter one, and I'm sure will be one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. Whenever I think about this moment and get deep in my sad feels, I cheer myself up by thinking about how my brother will now get to experience this extremely sentimental and important moment with me.
4. Dads Are Forever Alive In Your Heart
I felt my Dad's love for me for the 13 years that he was in my life, and I feel it just as much now without him being physically here. Having someone be alive in your heart is a hard thing to understand until you go through loss. I never really believed it to be true until I lost my Dad. I feel him with me all of the time. I know his presence is always with me, especially in my toughest times. Not a moment goes by that he isn't with me, watching me, being proud of all that I have accomplished. I was his baby girl back then, and I still am. I will always be a Daddy's girl.
5. You Become So Much More Grateful For Your Remaining Family Members
Losing my dad was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but it has also made me who I am, and taught me the most important lesson that I've ever learned. That lesson is to be obsessively grateful, for my mom and brother in particular. In the wake of losing a dad, all you really have left is your mom and siblings. Losing Mark, my wonderful dad, made me appreciate the incredible strength of my mother and younger brother. It brought out strength in me that I never knew I had. And it made me see how incredibly lucky I am to have my mom and brother. They are my rocks. I never would've gotten through the past seven years without them. Losing my dad taught me the most important thing that I know today — Whatever I go through, however sad I get, none of it can be matched with how incredibly blessed I am.
