I had it all figured out. I thought I would be lucky enough to walk down the aisle to my high school sweet heart and live happily ever after. I thought I’d be able to look you in the eyes one day and say “we made it.” I truly believed this plan would work out in my favor and that a future with you was the best thing for me. It didn’t take long for everything to change.
The pain I felt when you left was one I had never felt before. Instead of looking at you and wondering how you could do this to me, I looked at myself and wondered why I wasn’t worthy enough to be loved anymore. I took the blame and made myself believe I was too much. I was too sensitive, too needy, and too weak. It took a long time for me to be able to stand up for myself and realize I was not too much, but you weren’t enough.
Losing you changed me. I invested so much of myself into you that when you left I didn’t know who I was. You took something from me because for two years I belonged more to you than I did to myself. That was my mistake. When you left, I felt empty. I realized I had not only lost you, but I lost myself. I had to find part of that girl that I was before you and turn her into someone new. I had to fill the void you created when you decided the memories, the promises, and that I was no longer worth it.
I am no longer that girl you decided wasn’t worth it. I am stronger. Moving on taught me things about myself that I otherwise would not have known. I was able to let new people in and have created friendships with people I wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for us going separate ways. I know exactly what I want from life and love. Going through the pain of heartache opened up so many doors for me and has taught me that the only person I need in this world is myself. Never will I regret the love I had for you, but I will never sacrifice love for myself ever again.
"I just wish I hadn't spent so much time worrying about not being someone else's definition of enough" - Sophia Bush