Being 19-years-old, I've had my fair share of good and bad friends. On the same note, I've also witnessed some of my closest friends turn into enemies, and lost people who I considered my best friends. Talking about this a few years ago, or even a year ago, would make me want to immediately start sobbing. I was never good with confrontation, or even change, but I've learned a lot recently. I've learned that you're constantly growing, and if your friends aren't growing with you, that's a problem. However, that doesn't stop you from thinking about what it could have been like if the two of you could just figure it out. I've wanted to write my feelings down about this for a while, and I'm coming up on my one year graduation anniversary gradation, so it seems like the perfect time.
One thing I'm not trying to come across as is someone who can just move on quickly after losing someone, because that's not me at all. I still get upset thinking about friends I've lost and memories. And I don't think that's a bad thing. Looking back at happy times is healthy, and can help you come to terms with the fact that the person may seem completely different now, but there was a point when they were your other half. I still think back about singing in the car with me ex-best friend to our favorite songs at the time, and laughing about inside jokes that only we knew about.
After being so close to someone, it's hard to let go. Everytime you pick up your phone, you expect to see a text or call from them. Everytime something happens, they're the first person you think of to call. And I know that's hard, and if you're losing a friend right now, I'm here to tell you that it will most definitely get better. No, you'll never forget them and you will always care about them, but you'll be better off not having toxic people in your life. Everything happens for a reason, including leaving some friends behind.
I've also realized that losing friends is kind of beautiful because you learn more about yourself. You learn who you can and cannot have in your life. It's a fact that your personality reflects the people you surround yourself with, and if you change those people, you will change to. If you notice that your friends are acting a way that you don't want to be around, it's time for a change. Me being a positive person, I was once surrounded by a lot of negativity, and that was not good for me. Even though it's hard because of how close you once were and you still remember how they used to be, it's not healthy to stick around.
All I can say is that it won't hurt forever. Thinking of the past will sometimes make you sad, and sometimes make you smile, but you'll be able to move on. I can think of moments where someone I was close to started to change and have a negative attitude towards me, and not be upset about it anymore. It was a good thing because now I know who my real best friends are, someone who stuck with me trough thick and thin, and people I've met in college. The beauty of losing friends is realizing the ones who stayed with you, and who are really there for you. If someone really cares about you, they won't turn on you and talk negatively about you behind your back.
On a last note, I think it's extremely important to not leave off in a bad place with someone who used to be your best friend. Try your hardest to leave everything off on a good note. If everything ends badly, that will stick with you. A hard thing about losing friends is that no matter what horrible things they do, you'll always care for them. If my ex-best friend had an emergency and needed me, I'd be the first one to get up right away and help.
Friends come and go, but the real ones will stick with you. When you lose fake friends, you'll realize who the real ones are. Don't be afraid to let go. Don't be afraid to reminsce. It's all a part of life.
