People are constantly walking in and out of our lives. We make friends and we lose some, but the word "lose" can mean two different things. Sure, along the paths of high school we made a friend and then lost their friendship too, let's be honest, something you probably can't remember. On the other hand, some choose to stay in our lives but are forced out in the blink of an eye. That's the type of "lose" I'm talking about. The one where you'll never be able to get them back due to circumstances beyond your control.

I have been fortunate enough to not lose many of the people that I love and care about. I haven't lost, in the second sense, any of my close friends, but for those who have, I now understand what that kind of pain feels like.

It's sad when you hear a story about someone, especially a teen or young adult, that has overdosed on drugs. However, when that story becomes a part of your reality, the emotions are a whirl-wind. At first, you don't believe it. How could you? Someone you had actual conversations, phone calls, and video chats with. Someone whom you have spent time with, getting to know about their family life, favorite sports, and weird quirks. They are gone. Forever.

I found myself staring at pictures, thinking about the memories and conversations, but what thought lingers around the most when you look back at your favorite pictures together, is how never again will you see that person's face in front of yours ever again.

A couple of days went by and I read my friends posts about that person, but it still hasn't hit me that he are gone. And it won't. Personally, I finally came to terms with what had happened, at the wake and funeral. All of the memories came flashing back. I was surrounded by people my own age. Young people who have yet to experience everything life has to offer. But there is someone I know, who won't be able to live to see that all because of a drug.

I've had many thoughts as to whether there was something, somewhere down the line I could have done to help. To avoid losing them. What hurts the most is knowing that person wanted to change. I think back to the last time I saw him and remember him saying how he was finally happy and going to stick to staying clean because going down the road of drugs was something he wanted to stay away from. It hurts knowing that he had such good intentions for his life.

I'll remember his smile, a smile that was so peaceful and genuine. That will be the way I choose to remember him. He was someone who looked for the best in people and made their good qualities shine. He always made people smile and feel good about themselves. Those are the thoughts that calm me, those are the ones that help me cope, but there will always be that lingering pain whenever I hear his name or see his pictures. The heavy-hearted pain, that's the one I feel the most right now because my memories are all I have left.