When we first broke up I felt lost. Despite the fact that it was mutual and we agreed that not being together was better for us, I still felt lost. I still felt like half of myself was missing. I will never know if you felt this way too, but I did. I didn’t know who I was, I mean you were all I really knew. You were my everything. I spent most of my time with you and our friends, with your family, and you with mine. When I wasn’t in class or doing things with my sisters in my sorority, I was with you. Even when I wasn’t with you I still was with you. I was constantly texting you and snapchatting you. Talking about the next time I would be seeing you.

So the first day I no longer had you I tried to just go on and act normal, act as if I was happy without you. In a way I was because I knew it is what was best and what was needed. But I also wasn’t happy because I no longer had my person. I no longer knew what to do with myself. I wasn’t waking up to a good morning text anymore. I wasn’t going to sleep next to you. It was weird, I felt off, like something wasn’t right.

That’s when I realized I was going to miss you that was normal, I was going to feel lost without, that was normal too. The thing that wasn’t normal was that I didn’t really know who I was. That I didn’t know how to act without having you in my life. I shouldn’t be feeling that way, I am a full functioning human being, I was before you came along, while you were here, and now I will continue to be one since you’re gone.

You always told me how amazing of a person I was, you told me how you didn’t deserve to have a person like me. So why couldn’t I seem to be that person now? After coming to this realization I knew what I had to do. I had to adapt obviously, I had to move on of course. But I had to find myself. I knew what i was capable of and who I wanted to be, so I had to start doing it.

I took some of the advice you had given me throughout our relationship. I should have taken it a lot sooner. I started standing up for myself. You always told me that I let people walk all over me. I couldn’t say no to a person, and you were right. After losing you I started to do this. I found myself a lot less stressed out. You always told me I did too much for people, I put their happiness before my own. So I started to be more selfish. I was still there for my friends and family of course. But I learned when it is okay to sacrifice things for someone, and when to think of myself first instead of always putting others before me. You told me I needed to start acting like an adult, so I started telling my parents about things instead of asking them. I still value their opinions and take them into great consideration before doing or making a decision. Ultimately, I am an adult and I will do what is best for me.

Without you I learned a lot about myself. I learned how strong I am and can be. I learned how smart I was. I also learned how independent I was. I learned how to have fun without having a guy in my life. How to have fun with my friends, actually have fun instead of hanging out with them while constantly on my phone with you. I learned how to be my own person, and how be positive.

Being with you taught me so many things, but being without you taught me just as much. I am a strong individual. I’ve become a leader and a relationship guru to my friends believe it or not. I am so happy with the woman I have become and who I am. I feel whole again. In losing you I found myself. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me while we were dating and now that we are apart. I am forever grateful for you and even though things didn’t work out I wouldn’t change a thing. You taught me how to love, what I want, and what I don’t. Thank you for the push I needed to find who I am truly am. For this I will always love and appreciate you. I love myself and have you to thank for part of that.