7 Things To Know After Losing Someone To Cancer
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

7 Things Families Who Lose Their Dear Ones Far Too Soon Need To Know

I promise you will be able to carry on.

496
7 Things Families Who Lose Their Dear Ones Far Too Soon Need To Know
Callaghan Carter

To the families who have been affected by cancer, this is for you.

If you're currently going through it or lost a loved one to this monster I'm sorry. You're probably wondering why I'm apologizing?

It fucking sucks.

I don't know how many times I have screamed, cried, or asked God why he had to take her away. Why he had to put my family through this monsoon of emotions that happened while she was alive, and the monsoon's aftermath after she left.

Here are a few things I want you to know.

1. Know you're never alone.

Know there are so many families going through the same thing. Watching their loved one go through chemo, or radiation, forcing them to eat when they're not hungry. You are not alone, I promise.

2. It's okay to take a step back.

When my grandmother was going through hospice I helped every day when hospice didn't come. I helped wash her. I helped change the bedding. I helped dress her. I knew she would've done the same thing for me if the roles were reversed. She's been gone for 6 months but the last week of hospice still haunts me. I have nightmares, and some days all I can see is my grandmother skin in bone. It's okay to take a step back. I encourage you to take a step back. I know you want to be there for your loved one, I know. Yet you also need to take care of yourself.

3. The grass isn't exactly green on the other side.

I swear the grass could turn green from my tears. You will make it to the other side. I promise you will be able to carry on. I know it feels wrong and different in a bad way, but you must carry on with your life. That's what your loved one would want you to do. You will have days where you can't even get out of bed to brush your teeth, and there will be days where you'll just cry. That's okay. It's okay to cry and scream and go to therapy. It's okay to take care of yourself.

4. Grieve.

Don't ignore it. Don't try to rush through it. I tried to almost ignore it. Ignore that my grandmother was dead and ignore the steps of grief. I know that's stupid and it was stupid of me to try. I only hurt more in the long run. Grieve in your time. There isn't a timeline of how long you can grieve. Grief is scary and overwhelming and you see people's real colors. People grieve in their own ways. This is about you. Grieve in your time. Grieve in your own way.

5. There is no rush.

There is no rush to go through their things. There is no rush to throw things away. There is no rush. Just like grieving take your time. Obviously, you don't have long before planning a funeral but everything else can wait. You don't have to go through their clothes, and you don't have to go through all their belongings right away. Leave the house the way it was when they were still alive. It makes your heart hurt but it is also comforting.

6. If they want to stop treatment, support them.

I knew it was going to happen. It's something you can't ignore. Either they choose to stop getting treatment, or you run out of treatment options. It was kind of both for my Mimi. I think the hardest thing was accepting what the next steps were. Getting into contact with hospice, and then the medication, the stop of eating and drinking. Unable to get out of bed, and then going unconscious forever. I know how you feel. I know how your heart aches, and you're physically sick. I know. Yet they have lived a wonderful life.

7. They really are with you, always.

I thought it was cliché when people say, "They will always be with you." Yet it has been the only comforting thing I have. I see dragonflies daily, and this lone deer who stays close to my grandfather's house. You'll know. My family and I all have cremation jewelry, and it makes for awkward conversations, but I physically have Mimi with me every single day I wear my ring.

Cancer is mean and ruthless. It's selfish and it doesn't hurt just the body it is attacking.

To the families who are going through this, or the families going through hospice. I send nothing but my love and comfort for you guys. Take pictures even if you have multiples because those will be what you hold onto when they're gone. Record their voice and remember their laugh.

To the families who have lost their loved one, I am here with you. Take care of yourself even when you don't have the energy or care to. I know carrying on us horrible. Some days I'm physically sick wondering what I'm doing with my life. How could I move on? Yet that's the only thing we can do now. Hold their memories close, put their photos in an album, and never forget them.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

An open letter to my father

What you did sounds dumb to me

163
An open letter to my father
The Truth About My Parents' Divorce

Considering im 18 now & you're one of the best men i've ever met since you have a child; me. I want you to know that I love you, more than anyone, I love you. I don't forgive you for the way you hurt my mother. I'm hurt because you broke our family. Thing went down hill the day you found Laquita. You we're distant & shortly after my mother turned into the coldest, saddest women to walk past me. She's my best friend & so are you. Not one day goes by where I don't wonder what she did wrong. How on earth could you trade your family & the women who loved you unconditionally for a home wrecker? Sounds dumb to me.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Is God Reckless?

Exploring the controversy behind the popular worship song "Reckless Love"

751
Is God Reckless?


First things first I do not agree with people getting so caught up in the specific theology of a song that they forget who they are singing the song to. I normally don't pay attention to negative things that people say about worship music, but the things that people were saying caught my attention. For example, that the song was not biblical and should not be sung in churches. Worship was created to glorify God, and not to argue over what kind of theology the artist used to write the song. I was not made aware of the controversy surrounding the popular song "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury until about a week ago, but now that I am aware this is what I have concluded.The controversy surrounding the song is how the term reckless is used to describe God's love. This is the statement that Cory Asbury released after many people questioned his theology regarding his lyrics. I think that by trying to clarify what the song was saying he added to the confusion behind the controversy.This is what he had to say,
"Many have asked me for clarity on the phrase, "reckless love". Many have wondered why I'd use a "negative" word to describe God. I've taken some time to write out my thoughts here. I hope it brings answers to your questions. But more than that, I hope it brings you into an encounter with the wildness of His love.When I use the phrase, "the reckless love of God", I'm not saying that God Himself is reckless. I am, however, saying that the way He loves, is in many regards, quite so. What I mean is this: He is utterly unconcerned with the consequences of His actions with regards to His own safety, comfort, and well-being. His love isn't crafty or slick. It's not cunning or shrewd. In fact, all things considered, it's quite childlike, and might I even suggest, sometimes downright ridiculous. His love bankrupted heaven for you. His love doesn't consider Himself first. His love isn't selfish or self-serving. He doesn't wonder what He'll gain or lose by putting Himself out there. He simply gives Himself away on the off-chance that one of us might look back at Him and offer ourselves in return.His love leaves the ninety-nine to find the one every time."
Some people are arguing that song is biblical because it makes reference to the scripture from Matthew 28:12-14 and Luke 15. Both of these scriptures talk about the parable of the lost sheep and the shepherd. The shepherd symbolizes God and the lost sheep are people that do not have a relationship with God. On the other hand some people are arguing that using the term reckless, referring to God's character is heretical and not biblical. I found two articles that discuss the controversy about the song.The first article is called, "Reckless Love" By Cory Asbury - "Song Meaning, Review, and Worship Leading Tips." The writer of the article, Jake Gosselin argues that people are "Making a mountain out of a molehill" and that the argument is foolish. The second article, "God's Love is not Reckless, Contrary to What You Might Sing" by author Andrew Gabriel argues that using the term reckless is irresponsible and that you cannot separate Gods character traits from God himself. For example, saying that God's love is reckless could also be argued that God himself is reckless. Reckless is typically not a word that someone would use to describe God and his love for us. The term reckless is defined as (of a person or their actions) without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action. However, Cory Asbury is not talking about a person, he is talking about God's passionate and relentless pursuit of the lost. While I would not have chosen the word reckless, I understand what he was trying to communicate through the song. Down below I have linked two articles that might be helpful if you are interested in reading more about the controversy.


Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Signs You Grew Up In A Small Town

Whether you admit it or not, that tiny town will always have your heart.

1104
The Odyssey

1. You still talk to people that you went to elementary school with.

These are the people you grew up with and the people you graduated high school with. The faces you see in kindergarten are the same faces you’ll see for the rest of your life.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

150 Words For Anyone Who Loves Football Games

Why I love high school football games, even though I don't like football.

2255
Dallas News

When most think of high school they think of friend drama, parties, getting your drivers license, and best of all foot ball games.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics

10 Greatest Speeches In Modern American History

The United States is a relatively infantile nation, but its legacy of spoken rhetoric is one of the richest in the world.

4858
flickr

Rhetoric, in all its forms, arrives under the scrutiny of historians both for its historical impact and literary value. Dozens of speeches have either rallied the nation together or driven it drastically apart –– the impact of speeches in politics, social movements, and wars is undeniable.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments