To My Oldest Brother Who Died Too Soon

As of Feb 28, 2019, I lost one of the most important people in my life, my oldest brother.

I was so lucky to be able to spend 21 years of my life with you, you were the greatest! The way you always had a smile on your face no matter what the situation, your laugh, and smile were the best things to hear and see!

Two months ago on what seemed like any other day of my life..suddenly things changed things that will never be the same again. I lost you.

I have sat here every day since just asking the question, why? Why did it have to be like this? Why did god take you? Why just freaking why?! I don't know that I will ever understand why! I've never experienced this much heartache before. I've never felt so lost, I feel like I'm completely falling apart..everyone keeps telling me it gets better..yeah well when? I am not convinced it gets easier! I have never not been able to just call you and talk about my life or had you harass me for being still being single, I can just hear your voice saying "wow court you still don't have a boyfriend?" Or going to your house and you making me watch the worlds ugliest dog competitions and you saying "oh my that one is so cute!"

I made you a promise, I promised you that no matter what happens I won't give up, and I plan on keeping this promise to you forever! No matter how hard life gets I will push through and continue this journey for both of us. You were so happy for me the last time I saw you, you looked at me and said "Court you look amazing, I want you to promise me you will stick with it this time" and that is exactly what I plan on doing. I am going to continue to make you proud of me from above!

I am absolutely going insane without you, you might be gone, but I promise you that you will never be forgotten.