You know those friends? Those people who as soon as you meet them you instantly click and everything feels just right? Those friends are so rare to find.

You could never in your wildest dreams believe that one day she wouldn't be in your life anymore, as your bond is so strong that no bad argument or situation could tear it apart. She is someone whom you consider to be your sister, your future bridesmaid, your forever friend.

But sometimes we forget that forever isn't promised, and that people do change.

I still honestly can't believe we aren't friends anymore. Sometimes I see something funny and want to share it with you, or have something important happen and have the urge to text you since you were always the first I'd go to whenever something happened.

When we became friends, we became fast friends. We always had something to talk about and trusted each other like sisters. There was never a dull moment. I still look back fondly on our movie nights where we'd hang out in each other's dorms, order pizza, and chat about our lives. We would share deep secrets and give each other advice, as we both had a true understanding of one another. It was always a relief knowing that I had at least one person who I thought I could go to and talk about absolutely anything with.

At that point, you were who I really needed: a sister. And for that, I'll always be thankful for.

I'm not going to lie and say the last part of our friendship was just as nice as the beginning. For the first time in the two years we were friends, you began to only talk about your problems and your accomplishments and never really made the time to hear about mine. I brushed this off, figuring you just needed to vent as you had a lot going on. But I had a lot going on too. It works both ways. Friends listen to each other, not make one of their lives the sole topic of every conversation.

You claimed you "didn't have time" to hear about how stressed out I was about applying for jobs and maintaining good grades. You "didn't have time" to let me vent when I was on the verge of a breakdown over my anxiety attacks coming back. You "didn't have time" when I wanted to share my happiness over acing the job interview I was stressing over. You "didn't have time" to relish in my joy over getting a great date to formal. You "didn't have time" when I was in a horrible fight with my mom and just needed to cry it out to someone.

You didn't have time for me. But you expected that I would always have time for you regardless.

Looking back, I realize our friendship had grown toxic. I never stood up for myself and let you control me. You knew I wouldn't say boo and that you could take advantage of my "too-nice" personality, thus I became the person you got power from. You only wanted to be my "friend" to make yourself feel in control. You also were very demeaning to me. My mistake was letting you treat me like that. Telling me on almost a daily basis that I acted like an airhead and come across as a "vapid ditz" to everyone is not what a real friend does. Criticizing everything from my clothes to my interests was cruel. Calling me out for enjoying parties and other things most people our age like was also wrong,

because not once did I ever put you down for ANYTHING you ever did or told me. And even to this day I never will, because I respect you enough to keep all the things you told me safe as secrets.

You had gone from basically my sister to a control freak who tried to make me feel horrible every day of my life. One can only take so many rotten words and opinions before they start to believe them. You knew how hard I am on myself, how do you think you made me feel after criticizing everything I do?

Even though I now realize our friendship had become unhealthy, I'll always miss how things used to be.

I'll miss our random trips to the mall, where I would drag you into my favorite store and have you wait forever while I tried on clothes. You never minded, though.

I'll miss our spontaneous breakfast or dinner runs to our favorite restaurants. Lucky for us we had the same taste in foods.

I'll miss our car ride vent sessions and how you'd force me to listen to country music (I must say I actually started to like it, though I'd never admitted it). Heck, I'll even miss your road rage at slow drivers.

I'll miss how you would let me cry and break down and offer comfort. I'll miss doing the same for you

I'll miss laughing about boys and giving each other dating advice and tips.

I'll miss how you always seemed to know exactly what to say about any situation. I appreciated your advice.

Above all, I'll miss you. Rather, I'll miss who you used to be before everything became toxic.

Our friendship ended so horribly over something so minor. The problem was we both just couldn't see our sides on not just the issue, but on our friendship in general. I said some harsh things, I'll admit. But what you said to me was even worse. Things I don't even want to repeat. You showed your true colors at that moment.

So I guess ending our friendship was for the best because I can't handle having one more toxic person in my life. But still, it will hurt very much not having you around. You were the last person I ever thought would do such a thing. And it's heartbreaking. Putting our friendship behind me will be very hard, I'm not going to lie. I think the hardest part will be not being able to let you know about all the ups and downs of my life from this point on.

It'll be hard passing you on campus and having to look the other way, pretending we don't even know each other because I know how much you hate me now.

It'll be hard when I receive any news from now on, bad or good, and having to resist the urge to let you know since you were the first one I'd always talk to.

It'll be hard when I finally get the job of my dreams and not be able to tell you. It'll also be hard not knowing what job you got either.

It'll be hard on your birthday and not being able to contact you, as I know you definitely won't want to hear from me.

It'll be hard when we graduate college, a day we looked forward to for so long, all the pictures we'd take, you laughing at me for crying. Now I won't even see you.

It'll be hard when I get my own apartment and not invite you over.

It'll be hard when I get married one day and not have you as one of my bridesmaids like I planned since we became friends (we'd always joke about the roasts we'd give each other at our weddings).

It'll be hard going through life without you.

What I learned after all of this is that sometimes people change for the worst, or end up showing their true colors. I know our friendship had grown toxic. I know it's better now that we're not friends. However, I feel this emptiness now. But I know that I will fill it with better people who encourage me and bring me up, not put me down like you did.

I'm not going to lie, part of me wants to reach out and fix this, but the other part knows that to do this I would have to put myself down in order to convince you I still need you. That's not what real friendship is. It should never be a competition of who is better and superior.

I really wish this wasn't happening. I still can't even believe it happened. But everything happens for a reason. My life will go on. You were just a small part of it, I now realize. But even after all of this, I miss you.

And I probably always will.