I hate change. I am a fan of stability, I want to plant my roots, and give them time to dig deep into the earth before they are ripped up, and transplanted once again. However, I am learning again and again, I was not created to live a life of stagnation, but one with constant movement and change.
I graduated with a degree in Public Policy from William Jessup, just outside of Sacramento, California. I absolutely loved my time there, but 2 semesters away from graduation I realized this degree was nowhere near the field I was created to be in. The professors were awesome, I learned so much from them, but sitting in a class reading The Constitution was a brutal reality check that I should never go to Law School. As I began my senior year of college I felt called to Southern California. Long story short, I made some decisions, and moved here last July. I started a Masters degree and a job that was only a 10-month commitment. It was so clear that the Lord was calling me down here. Everything fell into place so easily, and so quickly. However, as I look ahead, I have no definitive direction as to where I am going next. Certain options had fallen through to the point where each situation had to have been divinely orchestrated. I think God is asking me to change course a bit, and man it's scary!
I have never questioned whether or not I am supposed to be down in this area. It is so clear to me. God has been abundant in providing me with incredible humans to adventure through life with. They are the kind of humans you meet and think, Where the heck have you been my whole life? They are the individuals that ask the hard questions and stick around as you wade through the mess. They are the individuals that will make you laugh until you cry. They are the individuals who will run through the streets of LA barefoot with you... twice. God has been so good to me. As I transitioned to Southern California, I prayed for community and He blessed me more than I could imagine. I am telling you, these people are one in a million, a billion really, and I have the opportunity to live life with them. It is such a gift.
But right now, I don't know which direction God is wanting me to take. And that, well, is terrifying. I've spent so much time investing in a job I love dearly, but when it comes down to it, its a job, and the time has come where I need to move on. I need to find what is next. God has never let me down and He never will, that is just not in His character. He is always faithful. It is me who is unfaithful, who turns and runs in the opposite direction when life gets hard, when it gets scary.
Friends, here is the kicker. God is always in control, there is a plan, a purpose, even when we are too blind to see it. An old boss often referenced an analogy that involves a pie. He talks about how we will never have all the pieces of the pie, how true is that?! We will never be able to hold the entire pie on our plate, not until we are face to face with our Lord. Hopefully by then it won't be too late. As I reflect back on my life so far, I am collecting more pieces of this pie, but I still don't have them all. And that is okay. If my goal is to live a life worthy of the calling I have received, a life that is ultimately glorifying to God, well, then I don't need the whole pie. I just need enough to sustain me, enough to propel me forward.
Often times, don't know what is truly ahead for us. We don't know the circumstances we will be faced with. However, we are still called to be faithful, to find hope in the unknown. As I feel God leading me to change it up yet again, all I want to do is protest, to say no, to remind God of oh how happy I am here...right where I am. Kindly, He reminds me, "I have so much more for you..." and with that I take a deep breath and say, "Lord You're Mighty" and run full speed ahead in the direction of his sweet, powerful, and mighty voice.
xo,
Katrina
