You can't possibly count how many people struggle with body image everyday. I was once obsessed with the way I looked. I felt unappealing, big, and disgusting. High school didn't help because I was constantly thinking about the assignments I had to complete, people I had to talk to everyday, and a boyfriend that lacked support. My self- esteem was destroyed after all the negative energy I surrounded myself with. It was kind of like a one day situation where I noticed how "big" I got. I am not here to honor my unhealthy habits, I am here to tell you that you do not need to look the part, to feel the part.
I made it a priority to eat less, exercise often, and say no to junk food and fast food. I found myself getting more intertwined on the reasons as to why I was heavier, rather than looking at the positive of being healthy. Determination is not the word I'd place above my obsessive quality over fitness. I could have tried every pill, waist- trainer, herbal detox tea, constantly exercised and still remain disappointed because I didn't fit my own standards. The mirror became my best friend that I checked up on before my showers. I'd grab the extra skin that layered over my stomach and I'd analyze how long it would take for me to get rid of it. Oh, how I wished so much to compare to the women in magazines.
My sister started to notice how skinny I was getting and she would constantly say "Hey, if you lose any more weight you're going to disappear..." I'd ignore what she preached because my mind was taken over by the guilt of eating too much and the dislike of how oddly shaped my body was. I was becoming my own enemy because I wanted to reach the goal of 115 lbs, the firm booty, the six-pack abs, and the nice chest to go along with my fake body.
However, I never reached my fake body standard, but I did gain a better outlook on life. Friends, relationships, school, and life at home started to unravel and I figured that the root of my problem was how I was thinking. When you're too busy thinking about losing weight, you forget about your mental health. Fill your life with positive people and an environment that relieves you from your caged guilt. Accept that you don't always have to look healthy in order to be healthy. It is a process that takes patience, time, and so much effort. Make being healthy a way of life, not a chore you have to please.
I made a promise to myself after that day to not lose weight, but to maintain a healthy lifestyle. This meant zero restrictions from food and a sufficient amount of exercise. Eat 6 meals a day, drink a lot of water, make eating vegetables and fruits fun, and get yourself a gym buddy. You don't have to fit societies standards or your negative ones. The girls in the magazines are photoshopped. Create your own positive version of what you want to become. Do not base it off of a picture or a video because you are not like others. Your looks are not programmable. Love the skin that holds you, because that shines through any number you carry. It isn't about looking healthy, it's about feeling healthy. Stay true to you.
