When you are a woman with trust issues

It Took Me Over 20 Years To Actually Trust Women

Unfortunately, it is true that women can be judgmental towards each other. And like most women, I had to witness it since my early childhood.

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People always asked me growing up why I had a lot of guy friends than girl friends. Most of the time my reply would be "I don't know." or "I just get along better with boys." It was not until college when I discovered the hard truth about myself. I realized that most of my emotional abuse came mainly from women I had encountered in life. It was women who drove me to the point of me thinking about suicide, and it was women who instilled fear and insecurities within me.

I remembered hearing that question from my own mother "do you know how fat you are?" when I was growing up. Looking back at my old pictures I realized that I was not really the fat kid that I was portrayed as. It brought nothing but resentment but later I could not help but forgive her.

Later on, when I was in my junior year of college, I remembered being home on Easter break and my mom just making me feel bad for whatever reason, even using a close friend of mine as a reason that no one would like me. Mind you it had been over a month since I got out of the psychiatric ward, and also been a month since I last binge drank. After that incident, I felt completely worthless and began to experience suicidal thoughts again, and our relationship was bad for a while

The worst friendship with a female I had started back in high school. She was actually the first narcissistic person I had ever encountered. The cycle of emotional abuse is a long one to tell but to sum everything up, I would do a lot for her such as helping with her classes, projects, etc but when I needed her to do stuff for me she was barely available. Any time I tried to confront her about certain things or even gave her a chance to admit to things that I knew she done she would end up making it to where everything was my fault.

It came to a point where I had bad anxiety along with anger, but because of my willingness to give people chances, it wasn't till years later when I was able to cut off contact with her.

When it came to my sexuality, I was slut shamed so bad by a woman I considered a mother figure to me. I lived with her during the time that my mom was sick and couldn't take care of me. for a while, I thought everything was good between me and her until senior year. I remembered her telling the whole house that I was a promiscuous person and there was also a time when she just made me cry because of what she had thought about me.

Along those lines, she even told me that if I were to get an STD I would not have a home, just because she thought that STDs can be caught if other girls who I lived with shared the same bathroom as me. To top it all off, she thought that just because I was Asian I was considered meek.

The last experience impacted me throughout college. Many people who know me or just my pain will say "you don't have to explain." but I will for the sake of this article. The truth was I lost my virginity at 17 with a guy I been with for a year, and he was the only guy I was sexually involved with up until I was 18. Yes, I was involved with two other people with consent at 18 but didn't start putting myself completely out there until freshman year of college.

Although I had to realize that women were the main ones who had hurt me throughout my life, I decided that I will never let all of that affect how I view other women in general. I realized that there were times when I did meet and befriended other women who were supportive of me and showed nothing but love, and for those women, I appreciate them and will never forget them. The experiences I had faced taught me to forgive and move on.

Yes, I could be bitter, but what good would it do since I am a woman myself. The only thing being bitter towards other women would do is repeat the cycle of women putting down other women.

I write this article in hopes that my experience can bring awareness on how looking down on our girls, and women can affect all of us, and one day we as women can do and be better.

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20 'Thank Yous' My Best Friends Need To Hear BEFORE The Semester Ends

Because I don't thank you enough.

Cassie
Cassie
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When I decided to graduate a year early, I never thought about how hard it would be to say goodbye. The best part of my three-year journey at Florida State was the friends that I had made. The friends you meet in college are the friends you will never forget. Although in two weeks we will be miles apart, this is not the end of us-- this is a different type of forever. At this point, all I can say is thank you for making my time here unforgettable. Thank you:

1. For buying me Ice Cream when I had a bad day.

2. For pushing me out of my comfort zone. 

3. For teaching me the right way to do Happy Hour. 

4. For complimenting me when I wore that tight dress.

5. For forcing me to go to the library with you.

6. For *trying* to make me go to the gym.

7. For giving me great advice that you know I won't follow. 

8. For letting me borrow your new shirt even though you haven't even worn it yet.

9. For forgiving me when I get a little sassy.

10. For telling me I can do better. 

11. For reading my shitty articles. 

12. For ignoring my absolutely terrible singing. 

13. For laughing at my jokes. 

14. For roasting me in the group chat. 

15. For driving me to class when I was too lazy to find parking. 

16. For picking me up from class when I was too lazy to walk back home.

17. For lending me money because I really REALLY needed that extra guacamole.

18. For tolerating my annoying self after your stressful day.

19. For staying up late because I didn't want to watch the scary movie alone.

20. For being the best friends I ever had.

Cassie
Cassie

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Continues To Save My Life

No one knows me like you do.

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From the day we became friends, we have always had nothing but support for one another. Although we have only really been friends for about seven years now, I feel as if you have always been a part of my life. You know me just as well as you know yourself, and I understand you in the same way I understand my own thoughts and feelings.

You have never made me feel pressured, insecure, or unappreciated. The mutual respect we have for one another is unmatched. We can talk to each other about anything; from some of the most trivial topics to entire life philosophies. We have grown and matured together, and I couldn't be more proud of the person you are today.

We don't always agree on everything, and I always appreciate your fresh point of view, but I have never felt more in sync with another person than I do with you. We share the same birth month, the same age, the same home town, the same anxieties, and many of the same attitudes and values.

I feel as if you know exactly when I want to be alone and when I need company. Since we are both introverted, we understand that the other person needs time to recharge. And when I'm sitting alone with nothing to do, I always get a text from you asking to hang out.

In some of my loneliest, most vulnerable moments, you have been there. When I question how many true friends I really have, you are always sure to make your love for me known.

Through high school, and now college, we have experienced so many life-changing events together. Some that have taught us extremely valuable lessons, and others that have shown us incredible pain and how to grow from our lowest moments.

I want to thank you for showing me what life-long friendship looks like. Thank you for always understanding me and never putting too much pressure on me. I see an incredible future for both of us no matter where each of our lives takes us.

We will always share a unique connection that cannot be separated by any distance. But, for now, I'm glad you're only one text or phone call away.

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