Long distance relationships vary in so many ways from couple to couple; distance, people, circumstances. But one thing they seem to have in common is that they are NOT worth the hassle. Now don't get mad at me and exit out of this article because I sound like a pessimistic asshole who does not believe in true love; trust me, I do, and I've been there, but this is not about my relationship, it's about the concept of the long distance relationship in general, as a species.
Take a moment to think about humans. We are mammals, correct? Mammals meet. Mammals mate. Mammals live. Mammals die with their significant other (S/O). So, what's my point here? If we as humans are naturally emotional creatures, why would we make it so that it is so hard to get the care and the love that we need in order to be 'full' as a being. Intimacy is something that we need. According to HealthPsychology.org intimacy is defined as "....a relationship with another person that develops over time." There are many different kind of intimacies; the intellectual, the psychological/emotional, and the sexual.
So, how is then that we are able to entirely form as human beings with a combination of all these intimacies; in other words, how is it that we are able to be intimate? And why then does that raise eyebrows at those who think that long distance is worth the hassle? With a natural desire to be intimate, and women having much more of that nurturing need than men do, there are a lot of different factors that create intimacy. This intimacy then becomes emotionally addictive because of the endorphins that it releases, creating a kind of 'love soup' of biochemistry. In order to be intimate, we must as humans, spend quality time with the person, practice active listening, be sincere and honest at all times, have pleasurable physical contact, taking personal time, schedule play dates without all the "bed-play".
No, I am not a relationship expert, and you don't have to take it from me, but I do know that after going a long time without physically being able to see your partner, it can either go one of two ways; the spark keeps growing and the heart grows fonder, or the spark begins to diminish and you come to see a side of your relationship that you had not seen before.
When you are in a long distance, there are a ton of things that could go right, but there are also tons of things that could go wrong, and these usually come from the lack of intimacy. You do not get to talk to your S/O one night and suddenly you think the worst, and that is where it all begins. Call me childish for saying that women get jealous, but look me in the eyes and tell me that on a night when you planned to talk to your boo, he falls off the face of the earth because he forgot to let you know plans changed, and he doesn't answer his phone or call you back until the next morning when he's awake and ready again, that you would not get the slightest suspicious during that waiting time. Exactly. Sure, everything can go back to normal when he apologizes, but there is an ever so small dent at the trust in the relationship. Strike One.
One dent may not be all that significant in the near future, but there is absolutely no way that the rest of the relationship will be all peaches and cream. Add up all the scratches and soon enough you have to get your car fixed up because it got so much damage. This is a time where you might run into more conflict. At this point, one of you may have the desire to take some alone time in order to try and heal, but the other may want to try and fix things and not leave things damaged.
This conflict seems so minuscule when you are reading it, right? But it's much bigger in the relationship, because if someone wants to try and fix things, this could come off as clingy to the person who already has it set in their head that they are going to go get their alone time. I suppose one might say that the other person should understand and let their S/O take their alone time, but why not the other way around too? Strike two.
The final thing that I want to talk about when it comes to why long distance relationships are not worth it, is the overall lack of physical interaction with your S/O. I'm not going to sugar coat it, sex is great! And for some, it can become a large part of their relationship! Not in the sense of making the relationship solely about having sex, but in general, it adds a flair and it adds so much intimacy emotionally and physically to the pair. When it is one of those nights when you are stressed out and could use the relief, and you don't have your lover around to help you out, sexual tension definitely builds.
Depending on the situation and how long you will not be able to see your boyfriend/girlfriend, there is a good chance that there will be so much more than just one of these times when something like this happens. This builds more and more and though it sounds romantic and sexy to long for the one you love, it also gets really fricking annoying and can actually become the basis of many arguments. These fights might not be about sex, but trust me ladies and gents, sexual frustration is a real thing, and it can bring out the ugly in someone real quick. Strike three.
I know that relationships do not work on a three strike system because they can be so much more complex than that, but in general, these are the top three things that become affected in a long distance relationship, which definitely chips away at it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that if you want to do a long distance relationship then that's stupid and you shouldn't, but I am going to tell you something that you have probably heard so many times you want to throw up; If you love something let it go. This doesn't guarantee that you guys will come back together, and if you do come back together it doesn't mean that you both won't have baggage and stories to tell, but it does mean that you will have given yourself the opportunities to experience every kind of intimacy in any kind of situation. It allows you to become a person, and you have to re-fall in love with one another... (for example Liam and Miley <3)
