my battle with long distance shouldn't bother yours
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Dating

Why Long Distance Doesn’t Work: The Pros And Cons

Yes, I have been in two long distance relationships... I got dumped both times.

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Why Long Distance Doesn’t Work: The Pros And Cons
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Let's all laugh at how I've tried long distance twice now and they have both failed epically *laughs in unison*.

So, you wanna take a go at long distance? Have y'all met in person before? Because if not, don't do it. Wait until you meet them in person, shake their hand and kiss their lips before you go putting titles on everything. If you can handle long distance, more power to ya. I guess I'm too clingy for all that.

This is for my people debating on staying together after high school, through transfers in college, online dating peeps who are nervous they're being cat-fished and for anyone who is just unsure about long distance relationships.

I am no expert... obviously.

I've been in what I consider to be two long-distance relationships. One where we were two hours away from each other—so not too terribly bad, just annoying at times because we're closer than a plane ride, but farther than "over the river," you know? The other was a good 3,500+ miles from me, I saw him every two months just about. We kept it steady, but then he ghosted me for no reason, so that sucked. Both ended semi-badly. Not like heart-wrenching, crying for weeks, drinking myself to death type of breakups, but just more like gloomy, "why they'd leave" type of things.

So! Let's discuss pro's and con's, shall we:

Pro: You have a clearer mind, being without this person, to think about whether or not you actually like them. Whether you miss them or not so much. Sometimes things seen from a distance are clearer, helping us make the right decision.

Con: It's difficult to make up after an argument over technology. Arguing over the phone about a trust issue won't solve anything, and trying to fix that is even more difficult when you're dealing with stubborn people.

Pro: Spending valuable time on your own is needed. You don't want to be around your significant other 24/7… or at least I don't. I need my space to test the waters, make sure I know what I'm getting myself into. Once you have a clear mind and goal towards your future, it'll be easier to build a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

Con: No fancy nothin's. No dinner dates, no movies on the town, no random surprises from the gas station when he see's something that reminds him of you. I mean, y'all could send gifts if it's that far, which is totally fine, but looking into the eyes of the person you're dating and holding their hand as you walk out is always better than something coming in the mail.

Pro: If they live in an exotic place, Girl you better travel! Go visit your man. Surprise him if you can, they love that kind of thing. Even if they say they don't, they love surprises. I know I said gifts were lame compared to being in person in the above Con (which is totally true), but when guys receive gifts, it's like they're getting an unexpected B.J. They're like, wait for real? Go see your man, get some flowers and his favorite candy, Uber to his work, and surprise him!

Con: Relationship Anxiety. Some men and women psych themselves out by thinking about their partner cheating. Little thoughts telling them you actually have cheated or might have tried because they didn't reply to a text fast enough or didn't call when they said they would. You need to trust your partner, but you also need to keep paying attention to the little signs. Always communicate thoroughly, remembering to say what you're feeling, no matter what.

Pro: The breakup won't be that bad! It'll either be a quick text where you never hear from them again and you go back to being an independent, badass or it'll be a four hour long, over the phone argument that ultimately ends in you going to see him.

My point: You don't have to kick him out. You don't have to see him around or any of his friends. You are in your bubble already and now you just take him out of the picture. You may have to throw out the pictures of the sentimental small stuff, but in the end, a long-distance relationship breakup is way easier than a breakup where you see that person every day.

You honestly just have to sit down and evaluate your relationship and talk about whether or not y'all could make it work through the distance. I think if you're graduating high school and going to different colleges, discuss what activities you might do. Will one of you be too busy? Will either of you have a job? If you're going to the same college, but one of you doesn't want to be "tied down," then voice that.

Express that opinion because, yes, it's going to hurt, but it's much better than leaving someone with nothing. To my military relationships…good luck.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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