For as long as I can remember, I've been a loner. I have never been social. Some people are naturally social, having more friends than I've had my entire life. I have never been, nor will I ever be, that person.
I don't know where this issue stemmed from, but I often wish I wasn't this way. It's difficult to see other individuals my age go out with their best friends while I've always been the one to go out on my own. Sometimes I don't mind it. Sometimes I wish it would stop.
I almost feel like the reason my friendships had failed was my own fault. I had two people in my life time that I considered best friends, and both are no longer a part of my life after years of friendship. I have been hurt by both of them dearly, but I wish them the best. I hope the reason for our falling out was not caused by me, but rather life that has taken a toll on all of us. I understand sometimes things need to change, even if that means the people we were close with are no longer sharing memories together. I just wish I was given a reason for it all. It would hurt a lot less.
My mother always told me "you are your own best friend." I always hated that quote, but the older I got, the more realistic it became. Some people just aren't meant for certain things, and I'm fairly sure this is one of those times.
Life is a confusing journey, and perhaps I just haven't my circle of friends yet. Maybe I will come to terms with being a loner. Maybe nothing will change. It's hard to say what will happen, but I'm confident that whatever unfolds will be for the best. Even if it means I am alone.