Loneliness in a World Full of People
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Loneliness in a World Full of People

Despairing Thoughts on Empty Feeling

255
Loneliness in a World Full of People
Elizabeth Paige Modesto

Dear Me, Myself, and… You,

My thoughts have a tendency to wonder away from me. The hinges of my mind squeak with curiosity. My thoughts scatter themselves, roaming free. What a beautiful dilapidation the mind is. Offering solstice, but all the while restless desolation in its midst. Such can only be a comfort for those fully themselves.

I have a deep sense of loss inside me. Nestled behind my sternum, in my bones and in my blood. But whom have I lost, but myself? I hear the world around me, humming with life, a knowing life, a life of purpose, direction. But there is no such peace in me. Rather my soul rattles in the confines of my body, unable to breath with the thickness of my thoughts. I’ve filled myself with plumes of deep grey deliberations that only seem to bleach me of the life I once lived so well.

But more recently I have felt like I am the only constant in an ever-changing world. My understanding of people and who they are has been continuously shattered. Leaving me with a feeling of loneliness in a world full of people. All I know is that there is a knot in my stomach and a desire for reckless spontaneity.

Life is confusing, in some ways enthralling, but in other ways completely perplexing.

I want my soul to be free and to become comfortable with the presence of myself. The hope of the discovery of my place in the world, amongst and despite its people, fills my chest with a nearly intolerable ecstatic eagerness. To find what my purpose, what my contributions, what my efforts, will be and come. I aim for greatness.

Greatness: to lead a life not worth remembering, but rather worth not forgetting. No matter what we become, I know we at least have the potential to be great.

These ideas that persistently plague the confines of my skull insistently seek release.

And greatness is often too far to reach. Because as humans we are faced with indecency, of others, of ourselves. And here our eloquent nature is smudged by the lives others live. Disrespect, whether intentional or naive, is far too inevitable. And through this we come to put others into inferior positions, allowing, or rather, coercing each other to fall into a feeling of dehumanization of “other.” And here we become acquaintances and, in time, prisoners of loneliness. And yet here, in this pit of despair that echoes through your sternum and pounds even past the point of bruising, we are wholly and fully human. Here we feel. Pain. Anguish. Grief. Distrust. Hopelessness. We find ourselves trapped in a place where the only light that we can find is what exudes from the depths of our soul. And it isn’t easy to find, and it isn’t as close as we’d hope, but we find our souls here. When we cave into ourselves, out of despair, out of need and loneliness, we can either burst forth into a million stars, in rebirth, or we can collapse further, into a dark place, forever bitter. It isn’t our choice whose what happens to us, but it is our choice of what we become of it.

And I like the sound of redemption.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

52365
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

33641
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

956417
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

181275
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments