Personality Disorders effect people in millions of ways. There are three clusters of personality disorder, and so many different possible diagnoses is can be overwhelming. My personal experience is dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder- the name cleverly comes from being on the "borderline" of psychosis and neurosis (making it sound way more awful and scary than it really is), and deals with my ability, or sometimes complete lack thereof, to regulate my emotions.
Borderline Personality Disorder: if you know what it is from personal experience or living with a loved one who has been diagnosed, I apologize that you have to deal with this major annoyance of a mental illness. If you aren't familiar with it, BPD is a mental illness that effects pretty much all aspects of a person's life, without truly presenting any physical symptoms to the world, much like any other mental illness. BPD effects the way individuals process emotions and deal with feelings and thoughts, especially regarding self-image and relationships. Basically, you feel and react in extremes; sadness, happiness, anger, all experienced at the absolute maximum.
People with BPD, because of their off-the-chart mood changes, deal with impulsivity issues as well. For me, my impulse outlet is getting tattoos- I currently have 10, and I have gotten 9 of those in the last 18 months (sorry mom!). Often, BDP is coupled with other diagnoses; in my case, Major Depressive Disorder/Clinical Depression, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. People with BDP also often suffer with self-harm, suicidal ideation and suicidal tendencies. Basically, its really hard to manage real life when you feel everything so deeply, and sometimes, excruciatingly. So, how do I manage my BPD and other run-ins with mental health issues?
1. Talk about it.
I know this sounds like such a lame and overused answer. But on a personal level, in order for the people in your life to understand what you're going though, and for them to be able to cope with your illness (I know, weird concept, but really important!) they have to know what is going on. Because BPD can hit you with mood swings within the hour, it is critical that you understand your illness and make the people you care about BPD-literate as well. On a more global scale, personality disorders are so commonly misunderstood and misdiagnosed that most people don't understand what they are at all. There are so many types and names and titles that it can all be confusing. So, in order to help the world out with understanding these (and maybe breaking through the thick stigma, even if only a little) we need to not be afraid of our diagnoses and talk about them!
2. Take your medication and go to your therapy.
Sounds simple, right? Wrong. Sometimes taking your medication and submitting to your illness can be so frustrating; or sometimes we feel like we're cured and don't need the help of the person sitting across from us in the big chair, or from our anti-depressants. The fact of the matter is, if you are on a treatment plan and you don't stick to it, you will not be at your best. You will not function at your highest capacity, you will not feel great, and while it may feel good to say "F the system," the consequences are not worth it. Speaking from personal experience, this is not the way to go (article about my experience in the psychiatric ward to come...)
3. Understand that you are not your illness.
Yes, you (or someone you know) have/has BDP or Major Depressive Disorder or Bipolar or an Anxiety Disorder. No, you are not that illness. While some days it may feel that your diagnosis is overwhelming you or that you are being overrun by doctors appointments and thoughts of the stigma that comes with those, it is a simple mishap in brain chemistry that you are working on correcting. No need to panic and tattoo the label across your forehead and feel like you ARE that illness. The illness is simple a part of you, not the other way around.
4. Live through your bad days, and fall in love with your good ones
We are about to get a little serious here. Sometimes living is honestly the hardest part of your day. Bad days seem awful and seem to drag on, feeling like there is literally no tomorrow. These days may be spent dealing with an anxiety attack for a few hours that exhausts you. Or maybe you won't get out of bed, and you'll sleep or watch Netflix all day. Or maybe your mood swings will literally be going from one minute to the next, and you feel like you're completely out of control. You may even fall in to some of those old self-destructive habits you've been working so hard to break (we've all been there, its ok!). These are the bad days, and we must learn that they come with the diagnosis. The important thing is that we also have to learn to recognize the best days (or even the slightly better than mediocre ones) and appreciate them.
When we only see the bad days, it is literally impossible to feel better. Again, speaking from experience here, after keeping myself cooped up in my house because I just couldn't see a "good" day anywhere in the near future. When we can appreciate the small wins of a good day, like finally feeling the sun on your skin, or running in to a friend at a coffee shop you love, or finishing that book or assignment you started a few weeks ago, we can help ourselves and those around us. Despite what your brain might tell you sometimes, it feels good to feel good. More importantly, you DESERVE to feel that way.
5. Be mindful.
Your mood, and your reactions and feelings, and your thoughts: they consume your every waking moment. By taking the time to be mindful of what you are ACTUALLY feeling and how you react, you can feel that emotion and then let it go (mind-blowing, right?). You can think that thought, self-discuss if it's that important, and then clear the way for you to focus on something new. Being mindful of those around you is also super helpful when dealing with BPD; yes, you are important, but so is everyone else! When dealing with BPD it can be hard to think of anyone else but yourself. The way you feel and react does affect the people in your life, and they are not there to hold your hand and baby you through every moment in your mental health journey. They are there to support you, not carry you. Being mindful of others and understanding other points of view can also even help to alleviate some of the stress you feel when you're always so conscious of yourself!
I understand that everyone has a different mental health journey and that these tips may not be so revolutionary for some, but for others, I truly believe these can be helpful! I work to use these in my everyday life (especially the mindfulness and meds points), and I feel like I am on my way to a healthier life. Don't let your mental illness become your sole focus in life- let it be there, work on it, but don't fixate on it (once again, personal experience tells me this is NOT your best bet). Truly live your life, working to accomplish all that you can; the fact that your brain functions differently than everyone else's doesn't have to be a barrier, and the deep feelings and emotions you have daily can even become your friends.
Until next week friends!
