Living with depression is not easy, it is not a walk in the park. For some people, it takes absolutely everything out of them, and for others, it takes very few things out of them.
Living with depression is not just being sad all the time, it is also being numb. You become so accustomed to this sad feeling, that, eventually, you cannot feel at all.
Living with depression is finding unhealthy ways to deal with what you are feeling, or the lack thereof.
It is filling your lungs with smoke, your mouth with alcohol, your veins with unwanted substance.
It is taking a blade to your skin.
It is because of that blade that you will no longer look at everyday items the same again: scissors, pencil sharpeners, kitchen knives, broken glass...
Living with depression is losing touch with yourself, but in a way that can become inspiring.
For some, their depression opens a new outlet to writing or art.
Living with depression can cause you to forget how to love the things you once did.
It can cause you to not remember how to feel the warmth from loved ones, and it makes you feel like a complete stranger in your own life.
Living with depression is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, and when you do finally use all of your strength to do so, it is wanting to climb right back in bed.
Living with depression is forgetting how the sun shines sometimes. It can be the brightest of days, but to you, it only looks gray.
For you, you find the most comfort on days when it storms because you feel that in your life if it rains, it pours, and if the sky is crying you finally feel like something is on your side.
Living with depression is forgetting to care for yourself. It is having to talk yourself into that shower, into washing your clothes, into brushing your teeth and hair. It is forgetting everything.
Living with depression is not being able to ask for help right away, it is thinking you have everything under control for that one night.
For some people, that one night is their last, and depression won...
For others it is a new beginning, someone who cares will seek out help, and although you try to refuse, you do need it.
After so many attempts, you will realize you need help. You will know that the first hospitalization will not help right away, it might take you four, five or six hospitalizations and some intense therapy for you to feel better, and that is OK.
Living with depression is not knowing that things will get better, but it is finding out that things will.
For me, it took years, I mean, from the time I was about eight or nine years old until I was sixteen or seventeen.
My depression stemmed from physical, emotional and sexual abuse and assault. It was because of the bullies early on and the low self-esteem.
For me, my depression caused two eating disorders. I felt like I was never going to get better, and I was hospitalized so many times.
Throughout therapy, I was asked to relive things that happened to me that I tried so hard to forget. I battled with depression for almost nine years, and it was the longest and most tiring thing I have ever had to deal with.
One day I woke up, and I saw the sun, I saw the light, and I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me.
Now, I know that getting over these things do not happen over night, and I cannot tell you when exactly my life started to change, but I can tell you it did, and I am more than grateful.
In the past, my friends and family started losing all hope in me returning to the person I was, but I am that person again. I am now an optimist when I used to be one of the biggest pessimists.
People who do not have a mental illness do not know what it is like, but there are many of us out there who have found our light.
If you are dealing with depression, one day you will find that light too.
There are many people you can talk to, professionals that are trained to help.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental illness or irrational thoughts please call one of the following toll-free numbers, or visit the website, it could save your life.
Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255
National Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433 or 800-442-4673
The Trevor Lifeline : 800-488-7386
Please visit the following webpage for a more detailed list.
