I have always been grateful for my family. I have loving parents and a younger brother. While the latter can be annoying as all siblings are, my brother and I have a relatively amicable relationship. That’s why I often had to jump to his defense when we were younger.
My brother Rory has Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was diagnosed at age three. The term “autism” is often thrown around very loosely, but it covers a range of symptoms. It is defined as, “a range of conditions characterized by challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech and nonverbal communication, as well as by unique strengths and differences.” In my brother’s case, his condition is relatively mild. He struggles in academics. He becomes obsessive over certain things, his phases coming and going. But in general, he comes off as a pretty normal kid. He’s defined as “high-functioning,” which means he can communicate verbally, learn in a typical academic setting, and knows basic social norms. That’s why it’s such a problem.
Because he is generally independent, most people don’t understand immediately that Rory is autistic. He had trouble making friends when he was younger. Other kids would not include him, or take advantage of his naiveté. I didn’t want to broadcast that he had a disorder, but I also wanted to make kids understand that he had special needs. It was a tough situation.
Don’t get me wrong, his quirks would sometimes drive me crazy. Obsession and a narrow focus is a common condition of autism. When Rory becomes fixated on something, that’s all he can talk about. Luckily, it has always been something kids his age were also interested in. Some people with ASD become obsessed with vacuum cleaners, the inner workings of locks, or something else obscure. For Rory, it’s always been rather appropriate; Thomas the Tank Engine (ages 2-4), Star Wars (5-7), LEGO (7-11), various video games (11-13), and now, guitar. His single-mindedness would drive me mad, and sometimes it still does. But that is part of living with someone with autism, and I’ve learned to accept that.
Shortly after my brother’s diagnosis, he had to attend a special pre-school. It taught basic social skills, communication strategies, and helped kids get a head start on things like reading and math so they could be caught up with classmates later on. Like I said, Rory currently attends a normal public high school, and has been in a typical school setting since kindergarten.
Still, he needed special attention when he was younger to help him learn things that come naturally to most other kids. Part of this program meant he also had to go to preschool in the summer. He didn’t understand why he had to go to school when everyone else was on vacation, and the last thing my mother wanted was to make him feel “different.”
So, as the older sister, I would get up every morning, put on a backpack, and walk to the bus stop with him. I’d pretend that I also had to go to school, but got on a later bus after him because I was in a different grade. Was it wrong to lie? Maybe. But did it help him feel normal? Absolutely.
Rory doesn’t remember any of that now. He eventually found out about his diagnosis, I think it was around fourth grade. He has come miles from that little boy who was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It doesn’t define him, but it is a part of who he is, and that’s something that’s worth embracing. So the next time you meet someone with autism, stop and realize that they aren't any different from you. That may change your life.
