You Don't Realize How Much Your Back Allows You To Do Until You've Hurt It

You Don't Realize How Much Your Back Allows You To Do Until You've Hurt It

I never thought to appreciate my back of all things.

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You back is a bit more important than you think it is. You don't really understand how much it helps you in your day to day life until you've hurt it. Most things you do in your life you don't have to think about. It's routine. When you hurt yourself though, you have to think about everything you do and find new ways to do it sometimes.

The beginning of 2019 upon arriving to work I took a fall on the ice. X-rays in the emergency room revealed that I have a compression fracture in my lower spine.

Let me put it this way: the spine is made up of small bones that looked like marshmallows, I squished one of my marshmallows.

I could barely sit up, I had to lean on things to walk, I was in an incredible amount of pain. Hurting my back, basically affected how I moved every part of my body. I was walking funny as my hips only let me move certain ways. I couldn't reach my arms too high or lean to reach.

I was quite useless for a few days and dependent on everyone.

I needed someone to unhook my bra, I needed help putting my pants on as well as my socks and shoes, and I needed help getting to my feet. I need to find quick and simple foods as I cannot stand for long. I lay back on the couch most of the time as even sitting up straight I cannot do for too long. I can't even lift our small dog because she weighs just a little too much.

My first time going to the grocery store I got to drive one of the little cars. It was fun and I laughed. The second time I had to do it though, I was mad. It reminded me how little I can do. That I can't even walk through the grocery store. I probably wouldn't have even made it to the first aisle before I would start aching.

My nephew comes over two days a week and my sister watched him. I can't pick him up, I can't follow him around and play with him. I can only sit there and watch.

A lot of people say you never truly appreciate what you have until it's gone. Well, it's true. I never knew I needed to appreciate my back, but it certainly plays a very important part of your life. It can be a serious issue too.

It's an injury you have to be extremely patient with or you could risk having problems for the rest of your life or surgery.

From someone who has hurt their back and waiting a few months hoping to heal right, I offer this advice, be nice to your back. Take it easy and take pain seriously. Don't push yourself and if you have constant pain or problems, see a doctor. I'm practically a couch potato at this point and it's not fun. Appreciate your back and all that it lets you do.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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5 Tips To Help You Feel Better If You're Sick

A few helpful tips if there's a bug going around.

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Not to brag, but I don't get sick very often, maybe once a year. When I do find myself a little under the weather, there's a few things I like to do for a faster recovery. I have no idea if any of these are 100% accurate, but I'd like to think they do. None of these will immediately make you feel better, but they'll help quicken the process.

Drink lots of water.

This one is a no-brainer, but it can be hard to do sometimes. I know when I'm sick, I definitely don't think about it. Water can help flush toxins out of your body, makes you hydrated, and can help you feel more awake and energized! If you're not a huge water drinker like I am, Tea also helps.

Stay home.

If you're sick, it's honestly better if you just take a day off and focus on feeling better. If you're worried about going to school or work, it's better that you don't spread anything. Let me just say, I'm fairly certain the last time I caught something was because someone behind me in a class was coughing through the entire lecture.

Rest.

This one goes with the last point, but sleeping will help your immune system fight off any infections. It's good to take some time off and get any extra sleep you can.

Clean everything.

I like to wash all of my clothes and bed sheet, because they're what I wear and touch the most, especially my pillow cases. This will help get rid of some germs and stop them from spreading. It's also good to disinfect anything you touch often, like doorknobs and table surfaces.

Take medicine.

This one also sounds like a no brainer, but seriously if you expect to feel better soon you should be taking some sort of medicine. At the very least, it'll help with your symptoms, so you're not couching or sneezing every couple minutes.

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