Living To Not Die

Living To Not Die

Why living to not die is the worst way that you can live a life.

Last night I fell asleep with the TV on downstairs in my on campus house. This probably will not surprise anyone who knows me because I sleep on the couch downstairs a lot. Don't ask me why, it just happens. It is about 5:30 when I wake up from the sound of the TV and the blinking of commercials. Then the news comes on and I'm about to start my morning in the worst way possible.

The first thing that came up while I was laying on the couch, attempting to regain my bearings of reality, was that a man was just shot and killed on his front porch not more than 3 miles away from me, AND a bus driver from the Columbus area was attacked and stabbed while pulling out of the bus garage. WOW. Good morning to you too.....

I am writing this not to freak you out, trust me I did enough for all of us this morning, but to reflect on it. How in the world is it possible to stay positive all of the time when all the news ever shows is the bad? I realize it is their job to report on things that will improve their ratings, but what does that say about us? It seems like now-a-days you cannot escape all of the bad. Are we wanting to watch this type of stuff on the news in hopes that it will make us feel better since it hasn't happened to us?

I'm rambling and this is seeming to not have a point anymore, I apologize. While I was sitting on the couch watching the news, all I could think about was, 'what if that was me that got shot on the porch?' It is really scary to think that at any moment you could just not exist. Don't think about it, I promise you that your brain will not be able to comprehend it. I write that to say this: Living is not living if you are living in hopes that you will not die.

I don't mean to get all gloom and doom on you guys, but the fact of the matter is: WE ARE ALL GOING TO EVENTUALLY DIE. There. I said it. Why should you worry about something that is inevitably going to happen? Well, I can tell you that if you are worried about dying, it is probably because you aren't ready to. Now obviously nobody wants to die. You have loved ones all around you that you never want to leave, that is completely understandable (I won't get into afterlife issues, that is your prerogative). But here is the problem. If you are constantly worried about being the next person on the news who just got shot, you aren't going to be able to live a satisfying life. Don't live looking over your shoulder like you're in a modern day Final Destination movie. Live in a way that you will be satisfied. Take risks, have fun, and smile while you're doing it.

Sometimes people get so worked up over life that they forget to actually live it. Sometimes its necessary to be spontaneous and do some crazy things that might be seen as stupid. Is jumping out of a plane necessary? No, it probably isn't. Will you make a memory that you will never forget? Yes, you most certainly will.

I will leave you with this: If you lead a monotonous life with no joy in it, you will wake up one day and realize that your best days are behind you, and you'll wonder where they went. If you lead a fun, spontaneous life, you will wake up one day and wonder where the time went just like everyone else, but at least you will know that you lived it the right way and wouldn't change a damn thing.

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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If I Could Dream A Perfect Day, This Is What I'd Do

An inside look at what my dream day would be like.


Have you ever just had such a crappy day that you find yourself lying in bed daydreaming about what your perfect day would be like? No limitations, no pain, no frustrations. Just whatever you want.

Well, I have. Here is a look at what my perfect day would contain.

1. Teleportation


I know, I know. The first thing on my list is something that could absolutely never happen, at least in my lifetime. But hear me out.

I want to travel, but any form of transportation makes me sick. Cars, boats, planes, trains, you name it I end getting sick. So if I could teleport than I wouldn't have to deal with it. Plus I wouldn't have to pay for gas or airfare. It's a win-win.

2. My Mom

Kayla Resler

It wouldn't be a perfect day if my mom wasn't along for the ride. Who else would I have fun with and then rub it in my brothers face later?

Just kidding, he would come too.

3. Food


It would not be a prefect day if it didn't involve food. And if it was free it would be even better.

4. London


I have been dying to go back to London, and if it was my perfect day I would definitely take a trip over the pond!

5. Meet the Stars


If it was going to be my perfect day, I would meet some celebrities. Let me scream, and jump, and totally fangirl in front of Emma Watson, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth, Zac Efron, and Robert Downey Jr. just to name a few.

6. Meet Fictional Characters


Earlier I said no limitations, so that means I get to meet fictional characters such as the Mikaelson family, the Golden Trio, Sirius Black, the Avengers, the Joker (he wouldn't kill me), and Hannibal Lecter (he also wouldn't kill me) to name a few.

7. Disney World


Bring on the magic! I want to go to Disney World and not have to wait in any lines. That would be a perfect day.

8. Learn a New Language


If I could learn how to speak French or German in a day that would be amazing.

9. Queen Concert


If I could close out the day by traveling back in time to see a Queen concert with Freddie Mercury back on stage that would be the perfect end to the perfect day.

10. Happiness

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If everyone that I love was completely happy, with no stresses holding them down, for just one day that would definitely be a part of my perfect day.

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