Comparison between siblings is an inevitable aspect of any family. For one, this burden comes in the form of being compared to the standard set by your older brother on the football field. For another, it’s the constant annoyance of your teachers confusing your name with that of your older sister, who’s perfect attendance and honor roll reputation left little room for imperfection. Despite the uniqueness of each set of sibling comparisons, one commonality holds true: the younger sibling lives in the footsteps of the older. Right?

Wrong.

I’ve been blessed -- or cursed -- with being the eldest of two siblings and five cousins. Being the oldest has its perks, for sure. I always got my own bedroom on vacation, and I definitely didn't mind the fact that my wardrobe never suffered through the dreaded “hand-me-down” phase. I thought that being the oldest, and setting the standard rather than conforming to it, would free me of the idea of “sibling comparison,” but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The age gap between my younger brother and me is roughly two-and-a-half years, but it wasn't until recently that I began to realize that he wasn't living in my shadow, but that I was living in his.

As age increases, age gaps begin to disintegrate, and seventeen-year-olds and nineteen-year-olds are one and the same. Graduating from high school with what I considered to be a pretty solid GPA and a laundry list of extracurriculars, I selfishly found joy in the idea of my younger brother competing with the standard I had set. Unfortunately for me, however, this joy was short-lived. For every one accomplishment I had left behind, he doubled it, did it with his eyes closed and hands tied, and threw in some community service just for the hell of it.

I played lacrosse until junior year, he plays on a travel league and gets college recruitment emails on a weekly basis.

I ended my senior year with a 4.0 GPA, he ended his sophomore year with a 4.4 GPA, a 5 on his AP Computer Science Exam, and promising PSAT scores.

I volunteered at my high school art fair (okay, it was only once, but it still counts), he travels down to West Virginia to build homes for those who are in need.

Long story short, I’m living in the footsteps of my younger brother.

It’s a bizarre feeling, your standards being so far surpassed by your younger sibling that you start to live in his or her shadow. I shouldn’t have to be smart, or athletic, or hold any special talents. Being the oldest, it should be a birthright that I’m not compared to anyone, right? Unfortunately for myself and all the other older siblings out there, this is not the case, and I learned that the hard way.

Now, obviously, I’m blowing this out of proportion. It’s not like I suddenly became the forgotten child of the family. My younger brother is thriving and I genuinely couldn’t be happier, but losing the attention and spotlight that you’ve grown accustomed to is a hard transition. As the eldest child, not having a standard to live up to, you’re automatically the best. There are no SAT scores to live up to. No athletic ability to live in the shadow of. I couldn’t have been worse at lacrosse if I tried, but my family was automatically impressed because I had no one to be compared to (either that or they just supported me out of pity-- probably the latter). But living in the shadow of a younger sibling causes more than bitter resentfulness at the lack of attention.

Being the oldest, you expect your younger sibling to come to you for advice or help. It’s every sister’s dream for her brother to come to her seeking girl advice. I would even settle for so much as his asking my opinion on an outfit choice. But, sadly, my female instincts and fashion expertise were of no interest to my brother, who apparently has it all figured out for himself. When he entered the beginning stages of the college search process, I was certain he would come crawling back to his beloved big sis, the OCD, all-knowing force of the college application process. Nope. Not the case. One rejection led to another, and at this point I would consider myself lucky if I even knew what hemisphere he’s looking to go to school in, let alone actually aid him in the application process. “I dont need your help.” And it’s true, he didn’t. This is just a day in the life someone who lives in the shadow of his or her younger sibling.

Living in a shadow is hard. The comparisons, the expectations, the failing to live up to the standards that somehow apply to you, even though you passed that stage of your life three years ago? But living in the wake of a younger sibling’s success is more than just a petty issue of jealousy. It's a culture shock, a role reversal. Being an older sibling means being a role model, and this role is compromised when the younger sibling is better than you at just about everything. How are you supposed to serve the function of “exemplar” when the student has more to offer than the teacher?

After months of comparisons and one too many pity parties, I finally came to a realization.

Being older doesn't necessarily mean having to be “better” (although I wouldn't mind being blessed with some halfway-decent lacrosse skills). A role model doesn't just excel at test scores and recruitment letters. Perhaps your younger sibling could teach you a thing or two about calculus. So what? Take that as an opportunity to teach him or her something about graciousness and benevolence. Set the standard of character. No matter how smart or athletic or better your younger sibling is, there is absolutely no substitute for life experience. Carry yourself with class, grace, and dignity, and your position as role model will speak for itself, despite your lack of knowledge about Calculus.

With the exception of my brother’s vicious verbal attacks and his occasional pulling his bb gun on me, being an older sibling is an incredibly rewarding position. Yes, I miss the spotlight of being “the best.” And I would be lying if I said I didn't go through phases of being bitter about living in the footsteps of my younger sibling. But at the end of the day, no matter how advanced your younger sibling is, you will always be the role model, whether that’s setting the standard on the football field, in the classroom, or simply just in the way that you carry yourself in life.